Thursday, December 20, 2007

An Open Letter to Curt Schilling



Dear Curt,

Shut the fuck up. Seriously, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

You're annoying. You're a fucking idiot. Learn some grammar. Learn sentence structure. If you insist on writing a blog like every other loser in the US (me), then at least try and make it sound like it's written by an educated person, not a slightly impaired adult who wears pleated Dockers and likes watching reruns of "The Facts of Life".

"Give back your Cy Young's Roger...Look at me everyone, I'm so honest, I have a blog..."

Get over yourself, douche-bag. I hate Roger too, but who are you to decide what the final punishment should be? I'd rather hear Milton Bradley talk about etiqutte and suspensions, than listen to you preach about the repercussions from Mitchell Report. Go drive your Dodge Ram into a telephone pole.

Look, I get the Catch 22 here, I'm writing this letter in a blog that 10 other people read, but you're a professional, you don't need a blog. Nobody besides the nerds in Red Sox Nation want to hear your opinion. ESPN thinks you are a fucking voice of reason. Don't ask me why, because you're not. You're an asshole. Maybe you should start worrying about pitching instead of trying to please The Sons of Sam Horn. Stop throwing your two cents in on anything and everything that's going on with baseball.

Awww, you don't want the Red Sox to trade for Johan Santana because you're fucking pals with Jacoby Ellsbury? Are you fucking kidding me? You don't want your "friends" leaving the team? What are you, fucking six years old? Grow up.

And speaking of that post, Coco Crisp is not better than Melky Cabrera...Period. You say Melky has a "decent" arm? Do you watch the games you're not pitching in, or do you go into the clubhouse and update your Myspace page? Get over this "Every Player in Boston is Mightier" shit. Coco Crisp sucks. Baseball's a business, not the fucking "Friends Forever Club".

Anyway, stop posting your trash for the sake of everyone else south of Bristol, Ct. I know you're scared because you're going to be irrelevant once you retire - until your name comes up on the Hall of Fame ballot for the first time and you don't make it in. And once that happens, I know you'll be back up posting "Vote for Me" and "I Deserve it, I Didn't do Steroids" nonsense once again. Save yourself the embarrassment. Go stick your fucking head in the oven, dickhead.

Love,

Doc

The link to Douche-Face's blog

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