Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Let Me Count the Ways

"Yes, ten dirty razor blades and a warm bath, please."

Well, we've predictied it here numerous times (along with the rest of America and Puerto Rico, coincidently), and it's finally happened - Zito is in the pen.

When I heard the news last night, I almost felt bad for Mr. 12-6. Seriously, I don't wish the tagline, "Worst Free Agent Bust in the History of Major League Baseball, Without a Close Second" on anyone. Now Zito's stuck pulling mop up duty, a crime for any ex-Cy Young Award winner. Remember when Pat Hentgen was thrown to the wolves a few years after he won the Cy with Toronto? He looked like he was going to take a chair leg to Peter Angelos's shiny bald head. And it's always pitiful to see a guy who's still young, still bodily able, who just loses "it"...

...And then I remembered he's due $127 million, and he still has the remnants of Alyssa Milano on his Howard Johnson (Wucka-Wucka!) - So you know what - Fuck Barry Zito. And fuck the Giants too. That's what you get for not hiring me as your GM, not that I would take the job anyway, you fucking rainbow daisy-dukes wearing queens.

But hey, it could be worse, Barry could be in this guys's shoes right now...

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