Monday, April 28, 2008

The Sticking Point

U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi!

Joba, Joba, Joba. You've come a long way, baby! It's not just a catch phrase for the women's lib movement from the '70's, ohh no. Look at you. Look at all that surrounds you. Look at what you've become. You are the focal point of the NEW-YORK-YANKEES (caps/dashes meant for emphasis while reading aloud, which I assume all of you do while reading WMHG?). The entire team/fans/media of New York all thinking about you. No aspect of a game is talked about without a followup conversation soon after on how Joba's role with the team would affect that situation if his role changed.

Just a few short months ago you were "pushing sheep through a fence" on the family farm and hurling for Nebraska in your spare time. Good to see that you were as fiery then as you are now (pictured at left). Also good to see that your stupid hat brim was just as flat as it is now. Does anyone else hate this more than anything in the world? Stop ironing your hat brim flat, everyone that does it. And for that matter, stop wearing the brim 7 degrees to the side, everyone that does it. Baseball is your job. The second you got a paycheck playing this game, the game became your job. I don't get to wear a Brooks Brothers cut-off sleeves button down shirt, or roll 1 pant leg up at my office. Why? Because I have a job. Just like you, baseball players. And aside from the lack of respect it shows for the history of the game and those that played before you, it looks freakin' dumb and the little kids that look up to you see it and think it's cool. So all that means is I'm going to have to look at it more and more, and I just can't take that. Aaaaaaaanyway....

So what is the problem at hand you ask? We all know it. Leave him in the bullpen and groom him to take over as closer, or put him in the rotation now to fix the team (thus exposing the bullpen even more..?) Think about the present or think about the future? Let Porky Pig (New Steinbrenner) shoot his mouth off about wrong decisions he claims he didn't ever make or do what's best for the team?

What's a boy to do? Look at the big fella over to the right, he's understandably very confused. Here's the scenario:

1) He stays in the setup roll (a role he has already achieved exceptional success in) in a bullpen that has only himself and Mariano as reliable options and provides stability this year. Continues in the trend of making every game a 7 inning affair and helping the Yankees troubled starting rotation as much as can be helped from the shorting the amount of time they actually need to pitch. Becomes the closer at some point in the future.

2) Goes to the minors to convert into a starter. After a month or so, returns to bigs to attempt something he's never done before (that is, starting in the bigs). I'm no talent evaluator, but I watch a lot of baseball. All I can go on is comparing him to successful starters I've seen. I'll go out on a limb and say that he won't be throwing 99 mph for 7 innings as a starter, it will be more like 95. Brad Penny threw 99 for 2 innings in that All-Star game a few years ago and blew everyone he faced the hell away. He throws 95 when he's expected to go longer than 2 innings. Sound familiar? That ridiculous slider in the dirt will start to be laid off by hitters the 2nd and 3rd time through a lineup. I don't know what his 3rd pitch is, which he'll need if he doesn't have one. There are 2 possible results here. He has success or he doesn't. The latter of which means he'll go right back to where he started. The Bullpen.

This should be an EASY decision. Stud ace pitchers don't grow on trees. He should be a starter. The problem is, they botched that from jump street. He wasn't given the chance to fail as a starter and discover by accident that he's a dominant force in the 'pen. Lots of failed starters become uber-dominant closers: Eric Gagne, Jason Isringhausen (tear), Mariano Rivera to name a few. But here's the sticking point (title of this post): He's not a failed starter. So we have to think about the What If? of him being a starter. Looking this gift horse of having the next great closer right in the pearly whites.

They'd have to be crazy to start him. Sure, stud ace pitchers don't grow on trees. But neither do stud ace closers. Who wins world series these days? Teams with shut-down lock-it-up bullpens. Teams with TWO closers win the series. I know the other young kids stink right now, but guess what? It happens. Young kids struggle, then figure it out. Hey Hal, what happened to all this "Joe Girardi is the manager now and this is a different team than what Torre had and he needs some time and it's unfair to judge him right off the bat..." Live up to your word and actually give them time. 21 year old pitchers sometimes need a season to figure shit out. Sorry if being on the Yankees means your not allowed to take the regular time to develop, but unfortunately it looks like they're gonna need all the time they can get.

Don't move him. Think about what happens if you do. The change won't happen in a vacuum, it will obviously affect other parts of the team. Maybe Hal is too ignorant to see this? It's like the alternative fuel mess. To plant more corn in order to get off oil we're cutting down all the rain forests for farm space, but as a result we're worse off than we started and now there's food shortages to boot cause we're putting the corn in our tanks and not on people's plates (wow, don't I sound smart. Watch that Bill Maher show on HBO once and you can be as smart as me!) You take him out of the 'pen, then you have Kyle "I love throwing 100mph and giving up taters" Farnsworth and LaTroy "I have a first name that looks like a french-canadian's last name" Hawkins paving the way to Mariano. That's a situation no one wants (but me). Sure, he could help every time he starts but think of those other 4 days of the week, Yankee fans! Heck, what if his first 5 starts of shutout ball through 5 innings (cause that's all he'd go for the first few starts) ALL got blown by the Yankee bullpen? MY GOD what would happen then?!

Hal, just thank your lucky stars this fire balling kid with the closer's mind fell into your laps. Don't you want him happy, fired up, and fist pumping his way to the playoffs? The Sox didn't move Papelbon back into the rotation like they said they would definitely do and then they won 2 titles. Hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


Doc Holliday said...

Couple of things here, AK.

1 - Papelbon had nothing to do with the 2004 title. That was Keith "I left my hear on Yawkey Way and you fucking hicks stepped all over it without an ounce of appreciation" Foulke.

2 - Hank is the asshole, not Hal. Hal is WAY too busy doing what most owners do, bare-backing mid-level secretaries and using $100 bills to apply cortisone cream to his crack.

3 - Get off of Joba's dick

4 - Don't you wish you had an Ace in your rotaion that knows karate instead of a nine-figure Venezuelan douche? No? Me neither, actually...(sad)sigh.

AK-47 said...

Sorry about the incorrect facts, that's inexcusable.

Joan Of said...

Also if you did a little research you would know that Joba has 4 pitches: fastball (sick), slider (filthy), curve and changeup (no comment on these because nobody watches spring training). Whoever this AK-47 is, he should go back to being a fluffer for Jose Reyes because he certainly needs one right now.

Mo Money said...

Joba has a changeup and a curve that rate above average, around 60-70, on the 20 to 80 pitching scale.

Mets fans are just mad because their pitching prospects are all busts.

AK-47 said...

Sorry Mo, I didn't know your Dad was a professional scout. Maybe if I could see his notes I could add the fancy pitching ratings into my posts. And the Mets pitching prospects are fine, they're just all on other teams now.

Joan of Arc, that's my point dog. We know about the first 2 pitches (which I feel won't be as completly dominant in a starting role), but those other 2 better be MLB ready if he's gonna dominate. Let's not forget...being 'GOOD' isnt acceptable here. He's a great set-up man, so he better be a great starting pitcher, and right away. Otherwise, what's the difference between him and just letting Hughes/Kennedy figure their shit out?

Anonymous said...

I think the straight brim is cool, more players should do it. Curved drims are for dorky white guys.

Dan said...

Anonymous, I don't know who you are but you are what is wrong with America, today (you know, besides the racism, war mongering and lack of legalization of pot and whures). The flat brimmed cap should be banned from all sports, ever. If Juan Pierre was offered his starting job back if he curved his hat, I bet you he would keep the hat and continue to shaft fantasy teams around the country with his pine-riding abilities. It is a bad thing for baseball, America and non-gays everywhere.

Joan Of said...

I hope Joe Torre is racist and discriminates against Juan Pierre and his straight billed hat, just as long as Matt Kemp plays everyday.

Also, did anyone see yesterdays fine performance by Phil Franchise? He sucks a donkey dick and doesn't trust any of his stuff. Ian Kennedy may be worse because not only does he not trust his stuff but he has much shittier stuff. I really think the Yanks would have Joba prepping to start if Brunney didn't go down for the year. They can't do that now because they can't trust Krazy Kyle and Paul O'Neill/Roberto Clemente/LaTroy Hawkins.

Anonymous said...

Really Dan? The straight brimmed hat is what is wrong with baseball and I am what is wrong with America for liking it? You are a moron. OF course a player would curve his hat to get a job in the majors, that is one of the most idiotic arguments I have ever heard. Also, his straight brim is not the reason for his poor play. Whether you like it or not the straight brim is here so live with it buddy, its a prevelant style on the west coast and it is being expressed in baseball ie Joba and Giambi. Get off your conservative douchebag soap box and stop trying to impose your dorky style on everyone else. i suppose you think basbeball players should go back to wearing skin tight pants as they did in the eighties are you against OPrince Fielders pants too? Well if you are a traditionalist you shouldnt be hating on straight brims and baggy pants because they were a staple of the early modern era uniforms. I dare even call you a racist because you are most likely associating the look with another sub culture per your Juan pierre comments.

Anonymous said...

Copy and paste the link below.

Damn the babe with a straight brim tilted to the side and baggy pants, he must been gangster and everything that is or was wrong America back then.

Dan said...

Anonymous, thank you for proving my point about you being a complete detriment to this country (and world for that matter). First, let me start off with the acknowledgment that Babe Ruth wore a slightly flat brimmed cap. Point, douche. However, now I must respond to your complete idiotic reaction to what I thought was a somewhat light-hearted and jovial post. Yes, I understand that JP would probably fold his hat to get into a ball game you complete f’ing retard. It was a joke. An exaggeration. Sarcasm. You know, the thing that you don’t understand, obviously. Now, let me clear something up for you – although THAT was sarcasm, this is not….you should be castrated and not allowed to mate in order to protect mankind from whatever it is that you might turn into when you’re all growed up (yes, I know this is poor grammar – so I must explain that the correct sentence would read “when you’ve completely matured into a full-age human being.”).

Also, although I may in fact be a racist (I dare you to google the naked picture of Santonio Holmes and tell me you would let your daughter date that guy with his baby arm of a unit --- here I’ll help --, that has nothing to do with the fact with the fact I hate the flat brimmed hat. Joba is white, he’s actually so white that he’s native American. He’s like Columbian pure white cocaine. His father literally scalped black guys to keep them away from his bloodline. I hate the flat-brimmed hat because it looks like a guy from Jersey who goes home to lift weights, beat his g/f, drink some protein shake and then party with his 15 yr old trashy g/f down at the shore is standing out in the outfield instead of a professional baseball player. I don’t care if Babe did it. If he did, he was a dbag, which I would not be surprised about – would you?

Finally, I never said I was a traditionalist. I love any and all things related to Prince. His baggy pants, his GIGANTIC stomach, and his magical ability to get that entire body of weight moving into some sort of cosmic fireball of fat-speed. He also wears the high socks with those baggy pants, which is fantastic. Now if you want to ask me if I hate the fact that guys like Duaner Sanchez actually latch the bottom of his pants over his cleats and will likely die in some weird tripping accident just in time to cost the Mets a birth in the WS, then yes, I hate that.

In summation, I was joking (you know, like making a joke). However, since you provided me with this opportunity to ramble on about your level of obvious intelligence, wit and gullibility I thought I would just provide you some feedback. I hope you go the way of Daniel Synder.

King Dong said...

I think MLB made it illegal for guys like Duaner and Pedro to tie their pants to their shoelaces a few years back, but I'm not positive.