Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A WMHG Biography

Dan Snyder - Owner of The Washington Redskins

Birth Name: Daniel Josef Lucifer Hitler Emperor Hirohito Genghis Cocksucker Snyder

* His name was quickly shortened to just "Daniel Snyder", partly because of the repercussions at school, but mostly because of his celebrated Judaism.

Favorite Color: Poverty Red

Favorite Food: Slow-Cooked Peasant Brain, Albino Alligator Tail, Silver-back Gorilla Assholes

Favorite Television Show: The Facts of Life, Roots

Favorite Movie: Far and Away, Vanilla Sky, Days of Thunder, Eyes Wide Shut, The Alamo(The version with John Wayne, not that shitty Hollywood cumdumpster remake with that fucking hick Billy Bob Thornton), The Last of The Mohicans, anything else detailing the mass genocide of millions of Native Americans

Arch-Nemesis: Jesus, Jerry Jones

Favorite Commodity: Acquiring players well past their primes and expecting them to recapture early career glories to acquire Super Bowl ring, IE: Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith, Larry Centers, Terry Allen, Andre Reed, Dana Stubblefield

Would Trade All 2008 Draft Picks For the Chance to Sign Shaun Alexander: Yes

Boxers or Briefs: Neither - Custom Fit Skin of Taylor Jacobs

Favorite Story: Tie - The time he bludgeoned Skip Hicks to death with a Black-Jack, or the time he watched Jeff George get raped by Kent Graham

Favorite Quote: Anything by Jermaine Dupri that doesn't have to do with being black

Supports Michael Westbrook in His Quest for the All Valley Championship: No

Wishing Dan Snyder Dies in a Head on Collision with Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin: Correct

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