Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Dead Man Walking

Blame it on Willie Randolph and be done with it. That's what he wants after all, right?

It's all Willie's fault. The slumps, the bad pitching, the shitty bullpen, the egos, the public confrontations - all of it.

Well honestly, that's just bullshit.

While I do agree that Randolph should have stepped up and told Billy Wagner to shut his hick face up, the other stuff is pretty much out of his immediate control. I think there are other people involved here that need to be held accountable.

And why don't we start with Shea's public enemy #1 - The "genius" Omar Minaya?

First off, the result we see now, the one where the Mets are trailing by 6.5 games in May, this is almost all due to the fact that Minaya assembled a team of ego's and old men.

How about the contract extension he gave to Luis Castillo, supposedly because Johan Santana demanded he remain with the team in order for him to agree to a trade? That's fucking BULLSHIT - Johan would have signed regardless. You throw $140 million in someone's face - I don't care if it's the Pope - they're going to sell out whoever the fuck they need to in order to pocket that money. Fuck loyalty when there's 9 figures on the negotiating table.

So now Minaya is stuck with an old 2B who can't run and can't hit for 4 more fucking years. Sick deal.

Next, let's take into consideration the stock Minaya put in Pedro Martinez staying healthy and being his #2 in the rotation. Yes, Pedro pitched well during his comeback stint last year, but let me ask you something - did any of you really believe he'd reinvent himself and throw 150-175 innings? Really, deep down, did you really feel that way? Watching him at the end of last year, and during Spring Training this year, was kind of like watching a shit-your-pants drunk guy get behind the wheel of a car. He might do well for those first few blocks, but we all know the ultimate outcome. Not good. Pedro is finished, you can counter my statement until your blue in the face, but it's true, that's all there is to it.

There's also the curious case of Carlos Delgado, who's offensive skills have declined quicker than Tara Reid's ability to give men boners. Could it be the lack of steroids pulsing through his Puerto Rico-loving, America-hating veins? Quite possible. I hope that's the reason, because then this cocksucker will never be up for debate when the Hall of Fame comes knocking. My hatred for Delgado is a whole other article, so I'll move on.

Next up is the lack of a farm system - what happened here? The Mets were the talk of MLB when they had Reyes and Wright tearing up the minor leagues, but once they came up and made headlines, suddenly the well is dry. I've seen Fernando Martinez play, and the kid has talent, but what else is going on down there? Who's ready to come up and move one of these old timers out of the starting lineup? Where's the next generation K? Bill Pulsipher is waiting to get invited back to the stadium so fans can cane him with a bamboo rod.

Look, this isn't an attack on the Mets (lie), it's basically an attack on the media, and the front office, because they're taking zero heat on all of this. The Wilpons are up in the office pantsing each other and double-teaming the hot, new intern, completely oblivious to the carnage in the clubhouse. Yes, Willie should learn to clam up and stop playing the fucking moronic race card because it's the last one in the deck, but I don't think he should get canned this season (key word here). Who are the Mets going to bring in mid-season that's going to do a better job? Vafunculo your face, sausage and peppers eating Lee Mazilli? The back stabbing, Jesus Junkie Gary Carter? Butt-smoking, lady-loving Keith Hernandez? Please, that's not the solution. And get over this Bobby Valentine shit, he's not coming, at least not this year. Do you really think Valentine, who was ran out of NY, would drop his Japanese team right now to come crawling back? Maybe next year, but definitely not this season.

Time to start facing reality - the best the Mets are going to get is sitting in the dugout right now wearing those really cool Blue-blockers.


Dan said...

"Do you really think Valentine, who was ran out of NY, would drop his Japanese team right now to come crawling back?"

Umm...yes. Yes, I do. You know, he is American. Have you hung around Japanese people for a while? I did it for the past two weeks while traveling in countries other than Japanese but had more Asians in it then a WWII internment camp, and I couldn't WAIT to come home. You think Bobby wouldn't jump at the chance to get out of a country full of them? Bullshit. He'd do it and bring his fake mustache with him.

Not that I think that is the answer...the answer is to stop playing bad baseball. You know, getting picked off base, hitting .250 with no power (Beltran), being an old puerto rican who should finally start bunting away from the shift and generally douching it up. But, Bobby would sure as shit be some fun.

Doc Holliday said...

My only two points in response are:

A - Asian people think other people are invisible, hence the constant bumping and shouldering while on public transportation, so I can relate to your point on why Bobby probably wants to come back.

B - Bobby V is 5'10''. In Japan he is the second tallest man in the whole country. Here? He is nothing more than a dwarf amongst giants.*

*no relevance to anything