Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Kid

Remember when it cost less money to buy a bag of weed than to buy a gallon of gas and cigarettes cost less than a cheap hooker and you could smoke butts in bars because whiny people didn't think they had the power to complain? I do. It was around the same time Ken Griffey Jr. was the king of baseball.

"The Kid", at least in my book, will go down as the iconic player of my generation. There weren't many guys out there who could jack a home run, stare at it, and still mange to draw "ohhh's" and "ahhh's" from opposing pitchers. If Griffey hit a home run off of you it was an honor - similar to a handsome gay man hitting on you - it sucks that the guy thought you liked to prance around with your shirt tied up and wear daisy-duke jean shorts (I assume this is the practice), still, at least you know you're a good looking young man.

I digress.

The memories of Griffey are fond ones, interestingly enough, they're the complete opposite of the other player who was a perennial All-Star from 1990-1999, and also a Superstar/Cocksucker/ Guy-who-wore-a-cross-earring-long-after-it-was-cool - Barry "Satan" Bonds. Besides the fact that steroid allegations are linked to Bonds like a dingleberry in a Greek guy's ass, he is also a liar and a cheater and a douchebag, so let's celebrate Griffey and keep Bonds locked in whatever room Selig locked him in at the end of last season, okay?

Congrats on 600, I'm glad you're joining the elite ranks.

*Note: I do not count Sosa as one of the members of the 600 club. I hope he gets hit by a fucking train. No, I hope he gets hit by truck carrying corked bats and steroids...fucking piece-of-shit, hop around like an asshole, big-eared, dickhead. Die.


AK-47 said...

I take umbrage with the 'Greek Guy' comment.

If you've read this blog from the beginning, you know how I feel about Griff. If not, go back and search our archives (not sure if that's even possible) for my shoddy statistical analysis of The Kid

Mister Turkey said...

You forgot to mention Sosa's signature chimpanzee-like sign language (chest-pound/fingers-to-lips/peace-sign). Just for that he should get the truck.