Friday, June 13, 2008

Let The Search Begin...

"Hey Bri...wanna start up a slow-pitch, latin-dominated softball team when we're both out of work?!"

Well New York baseball fans, here we sit.  2 teams, 2 disapointments to this point of the season.  What could this lead to?  How about 2 new GMs.  The Mets are already rumored to be a heartbeat away from a major management shake up which could see the departure of Manager Willy Randolph, Pitching Guru Rick Peterson and our beloved Hitting Coach HOJO.   Things obviously aren't good, but (Mets fan that I am) I have to say that they are 3 blown saves away from things being not quite that bad.  All of this adds up to the possibility of another disappointment in Queens which could push the Wilpons hand into firing Omar "The Latin King" Minaya. 
For the boys from the Bronx, they're a few games better in the standings than those Metsies but still, it seems like there has never been more doubt surrounding the Bombers over the past decade then there is right now.  The fact is, Brian Cashman's contract is up at the end of the season.  Add to that the little proclamation in which Steinbrenner said (I don't even know/care anymore which one actually said it) at the beginning of the year "this is Cash's team". This no doubt implied that since it was his decision to keep all the kids and not get Santana, if the team doesn't perform let alone miss the playoffs it's his ass on the line.
This got me thinking that if this albeit unlikely event happens they're gonna need someone to take the reins in both front offices.  Here's who I think could fit the bill:

YANKEES

1) Brian Sabean - Current San Francisco Giants Senior VP and General Manager.  The Giants have fallen on hard times lately and even though he signed a recent contract extension many believe he could be on his way out sooner than later.  Has taken plenty of heat for the Zito contract disaster.
Why A Good Fit?  He's used to handling and older team, and recently has some experience with youth.  He also dealt with the most high maintenance superstar that ever lived, Barry Bonds.  If he can deal with him, he can handle NY.


2) Bernie Williams - Former Yankee OF great that was an integral part of the infamous "Yankee Dynasty" of the mid-90's to early-00's.
Why A Good Fit? He's so beloved by the Yankee faithful that there's no way they'd turn on him if things didn't turn around right away, right?


3) Leslie Nielsen - Former bungling spy that has worked with high profile athletes such as O.J. "The Murder'n Running Back" Simpson.  
Why A Good Fit? Has strong MLB ties exhibited by his brief work as an Umpire when he went under the name Enrico Pallatzo.  Additionally, his hilarious hi-jinx around the office would be a welcome breath of fresh air in the Bronx.  The first header he takes down 2 flights of stairs will be sure to bring the Steinbrenners to their knees in laughter.  Plus, has that classic "old guy" look that's nice to see in a G.M.

METS

1)Peter Finch - Seen here as Howard Beale in the 1976 film Network.  Beale was a derranged former TV news anchor that finally had enough and busted out the famous line, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
Why A Good Fit? Well, I can't imagine he knows shit about baseball but how entertaining would it be if every time the going got tough in Queens the G.M. got up and went over to a window in Shea Stadium and started ranting like Doc after an Asian person walked into him coming out of a subway car!!!


2) Brian Cashman - Why not, right?

1 comment:

Doc Holliday said...

My rage is not exclusively directed at Asian ladies with bowl haircuts - it's directed towards ALL foreigners.