Monday, July 28, 2008

Creepy Comparison #31: Fat Old Men

Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN is as American as overindulgence and violent street crime. Deep down we all love it, even if it kills us. But my biggest problem with the telecast is that ESPN stuck two blabbering morons in the booth and asked them to announce a game. Maybe I'm just not happy about the way everyone hired by Walt Disney likes to bash the ever-loving shit out of the Yankees, but Jon Miller really, really gets under my skin. I can't decide if it's the way his neck gullet drapes down like a curtain of old skin, or maybe it's his hypnotic voice that lulls me into a dream-like state of security, and then drills me between the eyes with an over-the-top dumb comment with zero clout to back it up.

And I've always felt the same way about Ben Franklin. That fat fuck, who is he to get on the $100 bill? What did he ever do except plow slutty French chicks, hate black people, and fly a kite around in a lightening storm like your drunk neighbor who takes his pants off at the Little League field?


Dan said...

Completely unrelated, but can you PLEASE make a post about the absolutely insanely awful, misconceived, ass-wipeesque comments that ESPN decides to publish on it's front page in the "Fan Favorites" section every day. Today's is a classic, "I think they should just welcome him to camp and have an open competition for QB." Yes, dickwad - just fucking invite back a living legend and have him compete against aaron fucking rodgers when he already fucking retired back to his louisiana ranch (hates blacks, obviously) where he rapes goats. Sounds perfect.

My rant can't do yours justice, so i'll stop. I'm sure you've seen the quotes...let me know what you think....

Doc Holliday said...

Don't be so quick to doubt yourself, that's a good rant right there, and I have seen the quotes on ESPN "the website". They're fucking ridiculous and irrelevant.

There was one occasion where I followed the link and began to read the rest of the quotes and realized most of the people who post on there continually have to be fucking insane, because when 7,639 people simultaneously try and post a witty comeback in response to some poor sap's genuine question, it doesn't really work out very well.