Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Creepy Comparison #29: Oscarized

If James McAvoy did steroids like J.D. Drew, they would look like identical twins. But instead of talking alike, they could go into bars, post up near some slutty groupie, and then banter back and forth - Drew with his hick drawl, McAvoy with his unintelligible Scottish brogue. Then they would let the girl in on a secret - they're not twins after all! Everyone would laugh and laugh, and then McAvoy would take the girl out to the parking lot and nail her in his car. Drew would lose interest and go hunting. Oh, those crazy twins!

I know there are a lot of people out there who loved American Beauty. Some people swear by it. I'm not in that class. See, I get it, the whole mid-life-crisis-suburban-slob thing, but I don't see what's so amazing about a guy who gets sick of his life and starts smoking weed and working at McDonald's and fantasizing about piping a 17 year-old. If my wife was Annette Benning, I would probably swallow a bullet, so Kevin Spacey's character got off easy when you think about it. Anyway, Chris Cooper got real weird and turned from a homophobic military man into an experimental gay dude. And then a murderer. And that's where Jaime Moyer comes in. I predict that will be his career path once he's unable to get his fastball up to 78 MPH. I have no proof or reason to think this way, but I need some sort of parallel. Maybe I'm stepping on some toes here, because Moyer seems to be a well liked guy, but fuck it, I rule.

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