Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Creepy Comparison #27: Seat at the Table

Anyone who loves sports movies, and especially loved them back in the early 90's, is definitely familiar with The Program. It has it all - alcoholism, steroids, sexual assault, promiscuous sex, painkillers, bribery, illiteracy - everything you could possibly want in a movie dealing with college football. Those days are gone, unfortunately, because if it were remade today, the producers would probably cast John Travolta as some fucking douchebag coach who pulls the team together for a big victory, minus all the cool shit in the original. Each one of the players would learn an individual lesson and end up all graduating and getting degrees and buying a house below market value and marrying a hot chick who doesn't have a coke habit or a penchant to cheat on her husband with a stranger/biker...

Maybe even the team name would be named something like, "The Fighting Frogs", something corny and drenched in Walt Disney's sticky release (sorry AK).

The Program had such a huge impact on youth football, that I remember teenagers getting killed trying to copy the scene where players lie in the middle of the road as cars fly by. When does that happen today? No young kids die in creative ways anymore - they just copy some uber-violent movie that usually sucks to begin with. Boring.

Anyway - this is a comparison, right? On the right is Abraham Benrubi. Who is this bulky Jewish man, you ask? He played the offensive lineman for the ESU Timberwolves who gets kudos for flattening the opponent who want to make him his "punk-bitch(underrated slur)", but gets a thumbs down for rocking overalls. Come on, what is this Do the Right Thing?

The other guy is Brad Penny. He used to be a good pitcher for the Marlins/Dodgers. Now he's just fat and weird.


AK-47 said...

Say what you will about Disney movies, but the better Wall E does at the box office the sooner/brighter my retirement will be.

Dan said...

wait. you're telling me the guy on the right ISN'T john kruk? i don't buy it alllll

Joan of said...

He looks more like Seth Rogen with a beard