Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Fruit, Fernando, Fruit!


Just who the fuck do you think you are, huh?

You're not a clutch hitter, you're Fernando Tatis. Your claim to fame is two grand slams in one inning, and that's it! No more heroics, no more moonshots, no more nothing! You were supposed to be floating around AAA right now, telling war stories to bonus babies who could care less, not platooning in the Mets outfield - so what the fuck? I laughed and laughed when the Mets got rid of Ruben Gotay to keep you on the roster. I laughed so hard, I shit myself. Seriously. So where do you get the balls returning to baseball and not failing at a comeback?

Remember those two years you spent selling fruit to tourists on the Lower East Side? That is your calling. Not baseball - fruit! Go sell honeydew, cantaloupes, even delicious blackberries. Make the tourists happy, 'Nando, please...

So we're in agreement then? No more home runs. Stop helping the Mets win games. The rotation stinks worse then a laborer hitting the sauna wearing his jeans, and your bullpen is Josh Hartnett-acting awful, so stop putting a spark into the lineup. I'm sick of it already.

Remember, fruit, Fernando, FRUIT!

5 comments:

Dan said...

i have that Jose Canseco card and the rest of the box set that came with it.

I'm dead serious.

Doc Holliday said...

So do I. All of the guys had their shirts off, including Kirby Puckett. It was uber-gay.

Ice said...

I was tempted to leave the same comment (having that set), but I began questioning why that was the only full set of Dream Team cards I had...

Dan said...

you would say it is more or less gay than you using the word "uber"?

Doc Holliday said...

it's on an equal gay playing field as the word uber.