Wednesday, August 27, 2008
MLB Quick Thoughts
Let me start off with a few personal thoughts. One, The Yankees are a fucking joke. And I say this with all the tenderness and warmth of a mother tigress trying to eat her litter. They are a disgrace. And Purple Lips Rodriguez should walk into a drunk driver zipping down the Westside Highway on his way to Pasha. He fucking sucks. He sucks so much that nobody can suck more than he does. And then he fucking sucks more. Then he slaps his little gum bubble into the crowd, pretends to care, and goes into the clubhouse so he can jack-off to the men's section of a J-Crew catalog. A-Rod - die. Why did the Yankees resign him? Why couldn't they have got someone hitting cleanup that fares well under pressure? Damn this fucking team.
And while I'm at it:
- Fuck Pettite for arguing calls in the top of the 1st.
- Fuck Giambi for being a savant.
In Other News That Doesn't Make Me Want to Stick a Ruler Down My Throat
- Instant reply is coming to a stadium near you. Purists hate it. They also hate the fact that they have to eat dinner near a black person at a public restaurant, so, they're pretty much with modern times.
- Cliff Lee won number 19 last night. He would like you to know that he still thinks you're a bunch of fuckfaces.
- Jose Gullien had to be restrained from attacking a fan at Kaufman Stadium during last night's game. What was also noted in the article that I did not know is Guillen's the highest paid Royal, EVER. Now, if I was a fan of the Royals, I would commence the warm bath, Coldplay music, and an unsteady toaster right about now.
- Mets fell out of 1st place last night after another mediocre-to-poor performance by Pedro Martinez. Let me just say, if there's a team out there that gives Pedro a 1+ year contract this off-season, I will be absolutely convinced that the only way to get a GM job is to be retarded.
- Roy Halladay beats down the Rays and continues to prove he is the best pitcher in baseball and will continue to be overlooked by writers sucking the dicks of statistics. Hopefully, one day, writers will get their thumbs out of their asses and vote for the guy who deserves the Cy Young, considering the fact that he plays with an offense as potent as a Little League team on Mescaline.
- Red Sox are in talks with Mark Kotsay. Red Sox are also in talks with any other mediocre player with a decent glove that's able and willing to help form baseball's first modern day all white team, with the exception of David Ortiz, who they will spray paint white and dye his hair blonde in order to fool all the brainiacs wearing broken-in blue Sox hats.
- Kenny Rogers is also on waivers. If he is in pinstripes before the season is over, I will officially resume my smoking career.