Monday, August 25, 2008

Twist of Faith

Is this man pointing out a crack in the shell of the Metrodome? Maybe he's thanking God for granting him the power to find such beautiful and dignified Rec-Specs. Or could he be celebrating the final out of the World Series?

Surely, his reaction must have been caused by one of the three options above, because otherwise, he would be violating the old-fucker, white-man code of conduct: do not celebrate like an asshole over trivial things unless you're a non-threatening pale skin douchebag who supports segregation and is displeased with a woman's right to vote.


He is not helping the free mason's union of Minneapolis. And he credits himself for finding his custom pair of rec-specs, not God(or trendy Jesus). And during his career, he's never got the last out of a World Series.

No, K-Rod does this shit every game. Every fucking game.

And you know what? I don't really care what anyone does after they help their team win. It does not affect my life one bit. Pull down your pants and take a shit on the pitchers mound...cry...cry then shit...cry, shit and punch the batboy in the whatever you feel is necessary. But what does bothers me is writers/broadcasters/cowards seem to leave Rodriguez out of the equation when they bitch and moan about pitchers and hitters over-celebrating a small feat. Why? You got me, because Rodriguez's an easy target. He's a fucking nerd. And he's skinny. He's a skinny nerd. What else do you need?

So I'm just going to go out and say it - he's Hispanic. And he's pointing to God. There's not one fat white old fuck who will go out on a limb and say, "You know what? That K-Rod sure is a ham," then chuckle, then finish his scotch, and then punch his wife in the face. It won't happen. They're too afraid to mess with that God/Hispanic connection.

Well guess what? I'm not.

God does not give a shit that you closed out a game against the A's. If God has a hand in baseball, he helped make the A's what they are today, and is not impressed that you struck out Bobby Crosby. He does not care that you got out of a two on/two out jam against Boston. It doesn't matter to him. You could burn a cross in the bullpen, announce you're affiliation to the church of Satan, and spit on the bible during warm-ups and still get the save(I wouldn't try it. Me=god fearing Catholic). What really matters is that you get ahead of the hitter and throw strikes and good breaking pitches. THAT'S ALL.

Look, I agree with leaving a man and his faith alone, but when I finish a (mediocre) project, I don't thank God afterward. I thank Photoshop. God has more important shit to worry about. And I'm not saying we need to say something to these guys and call them out for such abrasive behavior, but who's to say we can't take a few shots at them about it?

(Lighting bolt hits computer. I die)

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