Thursday, August 21, 2008

A Word From The Future AL Cy Young Winner

Hey Everyone, it's me, your favorite American League left-handed starting pitcher, Cliff Lee. I just stopped by to see how everyone is doing, see how things have been. Me? I've been busy this year, totally dominating better competition. Yeah, that's right, I said BETTER competionn. Why? Because the Indians are a bunch of maligned dicks, and you guys, the fans, can all go slip on ice and tumble into oncoming traffic for all I care.

Yeah, that's right, fuck you Cleveland, you waste of Midwestern real estate. Proud of your blue collar roots and blue collar heritage? Well, how about me? How about my blue collar approach to the game? You can take your lease on Lebron, your soon-to-be-dashed pipe dreams about a Browns playoff run, and shove them right up your swollen asshole.

Remember booing me last year? Remember when I came back from an injury to try and help the team? I do. You fucking tubs of shit. And what did you do when I couldn't get my rhythm down? You fucking booed me. And that creepy looking motherfucker Eric Wedge sent me to AAA to have "a meeting with myself". What the fuck does that mean? Who the fuck does he think he is, Yoda? You Sci-Fi nerd - you're lucky I do bounce a 12-6 off your obese jaw.

Check Cliff's stats this year, you walking heap of artery plaque, just check the stats. Old Cliff is 17-2 18-2, tops in the AL. Oh, and how about giving me a sweet round of applause for doing it with an offense as impotent as John McCain? Huh? Huh? And just imagine if Sizemore wasn't dipping his dick in every chubby slut from downtown to Lake Erie? Speaking of which, what happened to this team, anyway? Where's that imbecile with the comet head, Pronk, been? I guess he put down the sauce. Too bad, I would have let him pull the ox cart in Cliff's victory parade.

Well, then I guess it's just cheers to me this year, because this team has the same chance of making the playoffs as I do at 69ing Scarlett Johannsen.

Oh yeah, before I forget, I want to give a big "suck it long and good" to the remaining fans who supported me, just so no one feels left out. You want to see some humility? Then go watch Fausto Carmona try and order dinner at a fine dining establishment. You want sportsmanship? Go see Brady Quinn wash down a groggy Braylon Edwards in the shower.

No more. Not from Cliffy. The shit is on now, bitches.


LB said...


king dong said...

he's about to get his 18th