Tuesday, September 30, 2008

And The Award Goes Too...The AL Version


It's been a year to remember. Here at WMHG, we laughed, we cried, we fired (were abandoned by) idle bloggers, and we even got a little feisty with each other on occasion (me attacking AK for no good reason other than he has more stats in his head than that fat fuck on ESPN who used to wear all those shitty jerseys even though he was a middle-aged nerd with what I believe to be is a serious odor problem). But now, with the 2008 regular season in the bag, it's time to recognize those who have come through and shined, those who have outdone the competition, and those who have taken one more step toward a long term career at Hertz Rent-a-Car.

So, without further ado, I am proud (and tired of bolding and editing) to present you with the 2008 WHMG American League Award Winners!

*To see the WMHG July Predictions, click here


AL MVP - Dustin Pedroia, Boston Red Sox

As much as it makes me want to hang myself in a lonely alleyway, I have to give this little shit credit for what he did. He carried the Sox through rough waters. While Youkilis was on his period, Pedroia continued to hit. While Papi was on the DL trying to digest a calf, Pedroia continued to hit. And even though this fucking bitch talked shit about the Yankees, he deserves it more than...

(Punches hole through cubicle wall)

FUCK THAT. I just can't do it...

AL MVP - Dustin Pedroia Josh Hamilton, Texas Rangers

Honorable Mention: Justin Morneau, Grady Sizemore, Carlos Quentin, Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay


AL CY Young - Cliff Lee, Cleveland Indians

The hardware has to go to Lee. I can't remember another player dominating on the mound like he did while backed by a defense composed mainly of strategically placed 32 gallon garbage cans. Lee had a superb winning percentage of .880, a 170/33 K to BB ratio and a really good time vacationing in Key West last January. The Indians went 24-7 when Lee took the hill and 0-131 when he didn't. That should tell you something.

Honorable Mention: Roy Halladay, Mike Mussina, Daisuke Matsuzaka


AL Closer of the Year - Mariano Rivera, New York Yankees

No, it's not Francisco Rodriguez. Why, you ask? Well, let's see...Frankie has 7 blown saves, Mo has 1. Frankie has an ERA of 2.24, Mo's ERA is almost a full run less at 1.40. K-Rod has 17 ERs in 68.3 innings pitched, Mo has 11 in 70.7 innings pitched. Is it a stretch to award Mo? Yes, but I despise K-Rod so much that I would rather see anyone win this ahead of him, including Jonathan Papelbon, and I hate Papelbon more than Hitler.

Honorable Mention:
Rodriguez, Joakim Soria, Papelbon, Joe Nathan


Comeback Player of the Year -
John Lester, Boston Red Sox

Let's just say, coming back from cancer is a lot more valiant than weening yourself off smack, booze and dirty Florida hookers. I'm not trying to start some shit - I'm just making a point here.

Honorable Mention: Josh Hamilton, Cliff Lee, Ervin Santana, Mike Mussina, Francisco Liriano




Who the Fuck is This Guy Player of the Year -
Carlos Quentin, Chicago White Sox

The waiver-wire prize of the year, Quentin went undrafted in almost every fantasy league, and proceeded to carry the lucky fuck who grabbed him into contention. He also played pretty well across the board, until he had a late night meeting with Kevin Brown about how to quell anger issues and decided to punch his bat in retaliation for a bad at-bat, thus throwing away an MVP season and a chance to play in the playoffs. But who cares? Quentin showed that bat who the fucking man is!

Honorable Mention: The Minnesota Twins Starting Rotation, Jesse Litsch, Alexei Ramirez

I'm Not Mad, Just Disappointed Player of the Year -
Dontrelle Willis, Detroit Tigers

Was it really only three years ago that Willis won 22 games as the rock of the Marlins rotation? It seems like a decade ago. But, in a swift, flat-brimmed fall from grace, Willis has gone from dominate Ace to worthless throw-away. He only started 7 games, made 1 relief appearance, and ended up with a putrid 9.38 ERA - 25 Earned Runs in 24 innings. Just for reference, Joba Chamberlain let up 29 in 100 innings. Go Tigers!

Honorable Mention: Robinson Cano, Justin Verlander, Eric Bedard, BJ Upton


Rookie of the Year - Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays

Rarely does a big-time prospect make such a splash in his first year in the big leagues. But Longoria, despite an April send-down and a month long injury, made sure that he will join the legion of legendary Tampa Bay third basemen's - guys like Bobby Smith, (The Player formerly known as) Wade Boggs, Vinny Castilla, Damian Rolls, Aubrey Huff and Jared Sandberg.


Honorable Mention:
Joba Chamberlain, Alexei Ramirez, Chris Davis, Brad Ziegler



Stuck in Hell Player of the Year - Zach Greinke, Kansas City Royals

Imagine if you will, that you are a young, hot-shot producer with all the potential in the world to be a successful contributor to some big-time studio. Now imagine you are forced to work for a studio that is just plain awful, which year in and year out, puts piles of shit onto theater screens. The studio you work for signs off on movies like Soul Plane, and Dumb and Dumberer, and Bewitched. To your dismay, you try and hand them scripts like Memento, Reservoir Dogs, and Leon: the Professional, but they tell you that there's no stock for Indies. Then you have a nervous breakdown. Then you come back and continue to submit amazing scripts, but the production house just laughs and laughs, and invites you to the premier of You Don't Mess with the Zohan. This is Zach Greinke's life in a nutshell.

Honorable Mention: Aubrey Huff, Raul Ibanez


Career Year of the Year - A.J. Burnett, Toronto Blue Jays

Want to hear something funny? When was the last time A.J. Burnett pitched 200+ innings in a season? 2005, his contract year. And when did he do it again? 2008, the year he can opt-out of his current deal. Deceit! You will never, ever convince that Burnett will pitch 200+ innings again in his career. No fucking way. And I pray to God that Brian Cashman has the ability to do the same painstaking research that I just did.

Honorable Mention: No one, I made this category because I hate Burnett

1 comment:

king dong said...

Hamilton's #'s have been mediocre in the 2nd half of the season - .296 avg 11 HR 35 RBI

Pedroia should win the mvp...