Thursday, September 25, 2008

Creepy Comparison #37: Ugly Sonsofbitches

I always give Pudge a hard time in my posts, mainly because of his creepy face and head. I don't know what it is, but he really, really creeps me out.

It doesn't help his case that he does shit like this and this, but hey, who am I to judge? I've never eaten cereal with milk in it before!

(hits drum, then cymbal)

But those awfully gay looking photos are not the point of this post. The real point is that there is someone out there who creeps me out even more than little face Rodriguez. Someone who haunts my dreams, my nightmares and the spacing I do during work meetings where I giggle and uncomfortably stare through someones forehead like a heroin addict. This man reaches all of these areas of conscious. This man is William DaFoe. How he was cast to play Jesus Christ, I'll never know. And I'm sure that when Jesus finally gets around to speaking with the casting director from The Last Temptation of Christ, he'll have a few idle threats to throw around and maybe even a few slaps. I know if I was blood with the Almighty, I sure as hell would.

And all I have to say about the other guy is, look, I don't know shit about hockey, I don't want to, and I'll never claim to, because I don't like the sport. It does not entertain me. Two homeless men making shoes out of shopping bags is more interesting to me. So, if I offend anyone by comparing the immortal Mark Messier to William DaFoe - Fuck you. The guy is an ugly motherfucker, deal with it.

(punched in the face by goon with high-pitched Canadian accent and bad haircut)


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