Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Going Out with a Bang


Let me be clear for a second: In no way do I advocate the shit coming out of Hank Steinbrenner's mouth each and every time he decides to open it. No way. I think he's a fat asshole with zero intelligence and even less class. I don't think he could run a Dairy Queen in rural Ohio, let alone one of the biggest sports franchises in the world. I think he needs to take a lesson in losing and a lesson in eating without using his hands and a lesson on shutting-the-fuck-up when deemed necessary.

Here are some recent quotes made by Steinbrenner, no doubt pertaining to the Yankees being on the verge of being ousted from the playoffs for the first time since 1993.

(vomits into coat pocket)

"The biggest problem is the divisional setup in major league baseball. I didn't like it in the 1970s, and I hate it now," Steinbrenner wrote in the Sporting News. "Baseball went to a multidivision setup to create more races, rivalries and excitement. But it isn't fair. You see it this season, with plenty of people in the media pointing out that Joe Torre and the Dodgers are going to the playoffs while we're not. This is by no means a knock on Torre - let me make that clear-but look at the division they're in. If L.A. were in the AL East, it wouldn't be in the playoff discussion. The AL East is never weak."

(vomits into garbage can)

Wow, talk about sportsmanship. He might as well of called Torre a flaming gay dominatrix who liked to take water taxi rides around the Chelsea Piers. Throwing a guy under the bus when he works for you is one thing, but when he's already gone? Nonsense. I discussed this in a post last week, so no need for me to get my shit in a bunch.

That being said, let's go spend some fucking money, Hank! We gotta shot to win this thing next year!

(blinded by C.C. Sabathia's soon-to-be diamond-crusted eyeballs)


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