Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Monday Night Man Love

I'm anti-ESPN, have been for close to two years now. While I do enjoy some stuff on their website and an occasional television program, I'd much rather see a meteor the size of Oklahoma fall out of the sky and land right on the town of Bristol, with the epicenter of the giant rock hitting Stuart Scott's office.


Last night was fucking disgusting. ESPN and its team sunk to new lows. I had to turn off the sound during the Jets - Chargers game in fear that man moaning would soon makes its way through my TV speakers. It got gay...really, really gay. Like Dane Cook gay.

It was bad enough that I was watching the Jets get absolutely destroyed by the Chargers, but I also had to watch the retards in the production booth continually cut to fucking West Coast imbeciles wearing Favre Packer jerseys.

A - What the fuck?
B - What the fuck?
C - If I was the one of the several-thousand gang members in attendance, I would have jigged those fat fucking Mid-Western transplants right in their pork-loin stuffed guts.

We get it, ESPN producers, you all want to fuck Brett Favre. Stop rubbing it in my face. The Jets make the Monday Night Football schedule once a year - and trust me, I don't consider this an honor, I consider it a nuisance - so instead of making life easier and announcing the game like it was just another meeting of two above-average teams, you treat it like Jesus Christ is in town, and the three morons in the booth just did an 8-balls of crack-coated speed. It was honestly almost 4 hours of over-the-hill unfunny douches recounting Favre memories, while the game unfolded without much acknowledgment.

Mike Tirico: And then there was the time that Brett threw a touchdown to Donald Driver...

(Brett Favre throws ball into crowd of seventeen Chargers defenders, including players cut during mini-camp - ball intercepted)

Tony Kornheiser: (Unfunny ruse, cranky old man joke) That was great! And then there was the time Brett Favre threw a touchdown to Javon Walker...

(Favre picked off by Lorenzo Neal, who was a fullback and is no longer with the team - LaDanian Tomlinson scores touchdown #14 of the night)

Ron Jaworski: (Fat Egotistical Guy Chuckle) Oh yeah, Tony, and then there was the time Brett Favre threw a touchdown to Robert Brooks...

(Favre throws ball 80 yards into hands belonging to patiently waiting Antonio Cromartie - Philip Rivers throws 109 yard touchdown pass to Antonio Gates, who's being covered by a parking cone)

And this continued. Favre could have gone out to midfield, done the goosestep for twenty yards, then burned a cross, and the announcers would have still been yucking it up in the booth about how fucking great he is. And to top it off, he played AWFUL. It was embarrassing. He was the Favre I warned every ignorant Jet fan about who decided last year was Favre's resurgence, and forgot he sucked diseased cock the year before.

Let's be honest, last night, Favre was throwing the ball around like a blind guy trying to fuck a fat hooker. It was ugly, it was sloppy, and in the end, everyone involved looked a little worn out and embarrassed. And to boot, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to cave Eric Mangini's super-sized head in with a crowbar. He sucks. He sucks at coaching and he sucks at not clogging his arteries.

I'm done.

(Takes out Joe Klecko jersey, softly weeps into it)


Douglas said...

Favre completed over 70% of his passes, threw for 270 yards and had three touchdowns...one of his interceptions hit the receive's hands and the other involved confusion on the route. Overall, I think Brett had a decent game...he can't play defense too.

Doc Holliday said...

I appreciate the stats, but we must have been watching different games. There were, oh, about 17 dropped INTs on San Diego's side. It was terrible.

dAndy ManCandy said...

All I got to say is that hearing MNF is abso-fuckin-lutley painful. That and what the fuck is up with TK's hair? It's like a 3 strand combover with a Billy Ray Cyrus poof in the back. I'm not saying I would ever respect the fucktard, but he should at least be a man and just shave it all off or go with the classic bald on top short on the sides in back look.