Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Red Herring

"Look at me everyone, I'm still relevant! I still exist!"

Just when you thought it was safe to listen to something Curt Schilling has to say again, he drops another load of shit on your head.

In a recent interview on some Boston radio station (read the article here) Schilling decided to break out the old soapbox and put us childish Yankee fans in our place...Or does he mean Jets fans? No, on second thought, I think he's talking about Yankee fans...Oh, wait, Jets? Yankees? Read the article and you will see why I'm so fucking confused by this shit-for-brains.

"The euphoria in New York is palpable," Schilling said. "I mean, the Yankees suck this year. And they're bitter and mad and they're making excuses over that. And now, you know, now they got Tom going down, so, you know, New York's excited."

Yes, Curt, I, as a Yankee fan, am psyched that Tom Brady will not be helping the Red Sox win another World Series. That's the main reason why I cheered when I saw his knee ligaments shred into linguni. I'm blind with giddiness because Brady wont be hitting behind Ortiz in the playoffs. When you look back on last season, he really was the stalwart that propelled Boston to another World Series title. Wait a second, he doesn't play for the Sox, Curt, you of all people should know this. But then again, you're a fucking fat-mouth over-the-hill non-hall-of-famer, so I can see why you are confused like an old lady lost in an IKEA parking lot.

"They want us* to be as bitter and mad and miserable and they are," he said. "And, unfortunately, it's not going to happen. The sad part is going to be when (the Patriots) beat the Jets next week."

*I assume by "us" he means "Boston" here. I'm guessing in a last ditch effort to relate himself to the Boston sports world, he's planting himself now as a fan, instead of a professional athlete. Classy.

So, in your mind, Yankee fans are going to be sad when the Patriots beat the Jets on Sunday? Is that what you're getting at? Because if you are, then you need to take your fat retarded head out of your ass and brush up on New York fandom. Most Yankee fans are Giants fans (excluding yours truly), and they already have the notch on their belt that reads, "2008 Super Bowl Champions".

Also, Curt, considering how the Patriots fared against Clock Magician Herman Edwards the Kansas City Chiefs of the World Football League, I wouldn't be so fucking cocky with career backup Matt Cassell leading the charge.

"I was front row and center when their quote/unquote dynasty ended, so I'm OK with that," he said.

No, you were not. The dynasty ended when the Yankees lost to the Diamondbacks in Game 7 of the 2001 World Series, you fucking putz. How can a dynasty continue four years later? because they make the playoffs and WS, and lose? Does that make the Braves a dynasty? No, dummy. Stop giving yourself so much credit, you're starting to sound like Kevin Millar. And on top of it all, your argument is as coherent as the lonely fuckface at a bar who keeps telling you - after 17 Jack & Coke's - that he will take a bullet for you even though you only met each other about twelve minutes ago. Thanks, but no thanks Curt, I'd rather go into sepsis shock than owe you my life.

This is what bothers me most about Boston sports players, and Boston personalities - they cast-off their own self-loathing image on fans from New York. How many Yankee fans came out and called the '04 ALCS a gyp? How many Yankee fans said the games were fixed? And how many Yankee fans right now are saying, "We're under the curse of Dave Roberts, oh my God!" None. We lost. Ke sera sera. But how many Patriot fans made diarrhea in their jorts after the Patriots were beat by the Giants this past February?

Oh wait - ALL OF THEM.

Get over yourself, Curt. Enjoy the slow, tightening grip of middle-age nothingness. Not all New York fans cheer for every team, dummy, so stop mixing fan-bases together just to make a headline. I hope you eventually turn to alcohol and drugs to settle your feelings of worthlessness and contempt. Fucker.

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