Sunday, October 19, 2008

Here's to Feeling Good All the Time

It's come to my attention that Joba Chamberlain was arrested for driving under the influence and speeding early Saturday morning. Before we jump to conclusions, let's remember that he hasn't formally been charged just yet. And it could be worse, you know, it's not like he woke up behind a dumpster near his home covered in thorns, or in some strangers living room wrapped up in their fancy drapes, or in someone's garage under the car, or blocking someone's driveway submerged in a waist-full of beer cans with his car still running, or in his trunk where he fell asleep trying to remove his spare tire, or in his parent's front bushes, or in the bar he was at the night before wrapped delicately in the rubber floor mats, or locked in the bar he was at the night before tucked away under a long tablecloth, or on the floor of the living room of a party that no one wanted him at because he was the drunkest one there and he ate one of the host's last birth control pills, or in the woods with one sock on and one sock wrapped around the end of a stick, or on a fishing boat even though he doesn't know anyone who owns a boat, or...

*all of the above are true stories.


Joan of said...

I think my favorite story is the one in the woods with you waking up with a sock on a stick. I'd like to know what purpose was that. Were you trying to be a miniature hobo and all your belongings (keys cellphone) were in the sock? Or was it some type of hunting tool?

Go Rays!

Doc Holliday said...

These are not all stories about me, just people I know who have hilarious drinking problems.