Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Only Curse I Believe in Starts with a F*ck

Curse? Curse? Why the fuck does every team have to be "cursed" in order to explain their two decades worth of mediocrity? Who, goddammit, who started this? Now you've got Philly joining in on your chant!

(spits in face of innocent bystander)

It's gone from humorous and somewhat interesting to fucking annoying. Remember when you first read about the Abraham Lincoln, JFK connections? You were intrigued, admit it. But after you're Great Aunt sends it to you via chain email for the 87th time, it gets a little old.

In no way is "curse" a valid excuse to link the words "bad franchise moves" and "no championship". 1+2 does not = moronic, but that's what writers and team aficionados like to proclaim. Well, not to rain on your parade(wucka-wucka!)believers-of-the-supernatural, but I have some news here, fresh from the 21st century of thought: There are no witches, there are no warlocks, there are no gypsies, there are no fucking voodoo temptresses out to get you, Philadelphia. Start owning up to the fact that YOU SUCKED FOR A LONG TIME. Mitch Williams letting up a walk-off? Not a curse. It was a bad pitch. It happens. Just ask your friend Brad Lidge, he can attest to this.

And not until dickface writers and numbingly stupid fans of team's that cry "curse" start owning up to their respective team's bad free agent signings - David Bell, Adam Eaton - bad trades - Placido Polanco for Ugie Urbina, Gavin Floyd for Freddy Garcia - and then starting recognizing great drafting - Utley, Howard, Myers, Rollins, Hamels - they will finally be able to put aside the Ouija boards, open their eyes, and realize that there is logic behind a team's transition from hopeless to contender.

Now excuse me, I have to remove the pins from my Curt Schilling doll's cock.


Mister Turkey said...

There's no such thing as warlocks? Then how do you explain the movies "Warlock", "Warlock: The Armageddon" and "Warlock 3"?

But I agree: sucking at sports doesn't require any force of magic.

AK-47 said...

I have to side with Mr. T on this one. Hollywood has provided FAR to much evidence on the existence of witches and warlocks. And if there's no such thing as witches, who were all those people that got burned alive in New England in the 1700's smart guy?

Doc Holliday said...

They were gays, obviously.

Dan said...

Also, blacks and native americans.

Doc Holliday said...

yeah, so it's safe to say that white people in New England burned anything that wasn't white.

Just like they do today.