Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Baseball Trivia Thanksgiving Eve Blowout in Your F*cking Face!

Unlike most Americans, who are probably starting to binge drink as I write this, I'm stuck at fucking work, with actual fucking work to do. It's quiet here, because all the sales people were smart enough to not show up since the boss is out. All, except this asshole. And I'm wearing my normal attire. Everyone else looks like they're going to their fucking kid's dance recital or a dinner at their inlaw's house. Fuck me.

And to make matters worse, there isn't a goddamn thing happening in baseball. Not a fucking significant whisper to obsess over (Teixera back on the Yankees radar?), not a rumor that actually sounds more exciting than depressing (Sabathia to the Angels?) and not one overblown story about some injury to some superstar (Utley now could be ready by opening day?).

So, here's some trivia. Who doesn't like trivia to waste time over? I have a Yankees trivia calendar and I'm pretty sure it was written by some 87 year-old asshole who just wont die, because the questions are tougher to solve than Cameron Diaz's sex appeal. But mine aren't so bad. So, either do them, or don't do them, but if you're drinking already, do an extra shot for me, and hopefully that's the one that helps you achieve your first DWI.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve, fuckers.

*highlight space underneath questions for answers

1. Who was the last pitcher to win 20 games for the New York Mets?
Answer: Frank Viola, 1990, 20-12

2. Jimmy Rollins hit .296 in 2007 and captured the NL MVP – Who was the last player to hit under .300 and win the same award?
Answer: Kevin Mitchell, 1989, .291

3. True or False - Derek Jeter has had sex with someone closely related to you?
Answer: True, your cousin Allison on your Mom’s side, she’s such a slut when she drinks and does coke.

4. Who is the last pitcher to win more than 26 games in a regular season?
Answer: Bob Welch, 1990, 27-6

5. How many 20 game winners did the Yankees have during their runt to 4 World Series?
Answer: Two - Andy Pettite, 1996, 21-8 - David Cone, 1998, 20-7

6. Bartolo Colon deserved the Cy Young in 2006 about as much as I deserve a raise, considering all the negative energy I bring to the workplace?
Answer: False, I have better overall numbers than that fat piece-of-shit

7. True or False: Mark Redman represented the Kansas City Royals at the 2006 All-Star game, despite being 6-4 with a 5.27 at the break?
Answer: Depressingly enough, it's true

8. Which active player has played for the most teams?
Answer: Ron Villone, 11 teams: Seattle, San Diego, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Colorado, Pittsburgh, Houston, Florida, New York Yankees, St. Louis

9. Five teams have never had a Cy Young Award Winner – which franchises are they?
*hint, 3 NL, 2 AL
Answer: COL, CIN, FLA, TB, TEX

10. Since 1990, only four starting pitchers have finished with sub-2 ERA’s – who are they?
Answer: Greg Maddux – 1994, 1995, Kevin Brown – 1996, Pedro Martinez – 1997, 2000, Roger Clemens – 1990, 2005

11. Cal Ripken is overrated?
Answer: True

12. There are three former ROY winners from the past 10 seasons who are no longer playing in the major leagues – who are they?
Answer: 1998 A.L. - Ben Grieve, 1999 N.L. - Scott Williamson, 2000 A.L. - Kazuhiro Sasaki

13. Nicknames
a) N.L. pitcher's nickname is "Zombie"?
b) Washed up 1st baseman's nickname is "Eye Chart"?
c) Fat closer's nickname is "Papa Grande"?
d) Speedy Outfielder's nickname is "The Perfect Storm"?
e) Comeback-track pitcher's nickname is "The Chief"
Answers: a) Aaron Harang, b) Doug Mientkiewicz , c) Jose Valverde, d) Carl Crawford, e) Freddy Garcia

14. True or False – My friend is convinced Lance Berkman is a Jew, even though he wears a cross around his neck?
Answer: True

15. Which mildly retarded TV broadcaster once won back-to-back National League MVP’s?
Answer: Joe Morgan, 1975, 1976


J said...

Number 3 - Apparently it's also a very perverted 87 year old man...

Doc Holliday said...

When you're that old, all you have left is being creepy and shitting your pants anywhere, anytime, without public scorn.