Tuesday, November 4, 2008

What Day is It?


Take your pamphlets and your fold-outs and your government statistics and your call-to-action brochures and your "Change" posters and your Maverick buttons and your Palin Halloween costumes and your Biden breathalyzer results and your Uncle Sam hats and Keith Olbermann's stupid fucking glasses, and Sean Hannity's douchey fucking smirk, and shove them up your ass.

Ask me again if I voted. I fucking dare you. You may end up with that fake white beard clogging your esophagus.

Are you having a get-together to watch a stupid map light-up with either red or blue colors? Fucking fall off a cliff. Election parties are gayer than Hilary Clinton. If you are a man and you're throwing an election party, turn in your cock and balls immediately and start calling yourself "Susan".

Do you think your vote matters? Well, do you? Before you get on your high horse, ask yourself this: do you live in one of the red/blue states that's already decided which team they are voting for? If you answer "yes", than don't waste the twenty precious minutes of your life it takes to vote. Go smoke some crack, fuck a hooker unprotected, eat some lard from the Dunkin Donuts mixer, anything, as long as you are not being ignorant about how insignificant you are.

(But if you do happen to live in one of these "Battleground" states, then what the fuck are you doing reading this??)

And before you give me that self-righteous bullshit about "if you don't vote, you can't complain", remember who you are talking too, because the minute not voting because I (this is an opinion, mind you) think both candidates are a little on the stupid side stops me from complaining, that's the minute I start quoting Carrie Bradshaw and carrying around tampons.

I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up when this shit is decided.


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