Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Off Topic: New Year's Eve Blows
Do you like standing in thick crowds with someone's armpit stuffed against your nose? Do you like buying overpriced tickets to bars so you can enjoy their homeless shelter food? Do you like not receiving a promised complimentary "champagne toast" at midnight? Do you like watching retread losers perform for Euro-trash, hicks and Midwesterners in Time's Square? Do you like wading through rivers of vomit and garbage? Do you like watching Dick Clark's lifeless body being puppeteered by two schmucks from NYU? Do you like watching super-gay Ryan Seacrest describe how much fun everyone is having while he sits in a lush booth and some slob from Washington Heights pisses on your sneaker? Do you like police ruining your night of boozing and cruising with checkpoints? Do you like being the loser who ends up kissing some fat chick near the bathroom because she's just as lonely and desperate as your sorry ass is?
If you say yes to any of the above - then tonight is for you, have fun out there. Me? I'll be keeping myself busy with a bottle of Evan Williams in a 7-Eleven parking lot. For all of you classing it up like me, Happy New Year. For the rest? Try not to get mauled by an overstimulated German Shepard.