Thursday, January 22, 2009

Baseball Cards Featuring Ugly People - Part II

Following the success and critical acclaim(none) of one of our more popular posts, I decided to follow up with a sequel, seeing that there is absolutely no shortage to awful looking baseball cards featuring awful looking people. Please note that while I have the chops to point and laugh at flaws, I also have the same fashion sense as a blind homeless man.

/uses whole jar of Vaseline to style hair
/eats from garbage

Remember that guy who used to sell you shitty weed at the school carnivals? He was your friend's mom's cousin or something, he wore dark glasses at night and smelled like cured meats, and sometimes made raunchy remarks about a nearby 16-year old? I have a feeling Kent did that at one point or another in his life.

Let's keep our focus away from Mookie on this one. I know all you Mets fans out there get as giddy as a drunk sorority girl on her way back to a notorious womanizing football players dorm - so try and pay attention to the guy on the right.

A) Who the fuck is Juan Berenguer?
B) The thickness of his unibrow deserves an entire Newsweek article.

The winners of the Best Staten Island Fireman Award from 1987.

Cameraman: "Hey, Delino, mind if I take your picture for a new trading card brand called, Bowman?"
Delino: "Yeah, sure."
Cameraman: "Ready?"
Delino: "Yup."
Cameraman: " sec...annnnd...IthinkaboutyouwhenImasturbate."
Delino: "The Fuck you just say?"
Camera: *click* "Hey, Good luck this season!"

Remember the guy who used to watch you swim at the town pool, only he wasn't anyone's dad or brother, he was just some weird guy wearing neatly pressed slacks? I'm not saying it was Parrish, but goddamn is he a ringer for that guy.

Eric Plunk's mustache reminds me of these kids in college who used to frequent the bar I worked at. They collectively weighed a buck-fifty, had chains hanging down from their neck to their stomach, wore HUGE multi-colored Avirex sweaters (classy), and had these weird wispy mustaches - similar to Plunk's - to compliment their Caesar haircuts. They drank Genesee, requested for the DJ to play Xzibit and Mac-10, and usually got beat up before the night ended by a Lacrosse player who drank Beast Ice straight out of a dirty pitcher. YEAH, COLLEGE! WOOO!

I understand the 5 o'clock shadow look, but Hafner is rocking the 5 o'clock goatee. I've heard rumors that he's relatively dumb, but this takes on a whole new meaning of...well, dumb.

I can't decide which guy I like better in this one - Walt Weiss's attempt to not look like a pencil-neck-nerd, or Dave Otto's attempt to look as gay as humanly possible.

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