Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Pettitte Rejects Yanks Offer, Pink Jersey Market Collapses

Andy, Andy, Andy, is money really the issue? According to the New York Times, Pettitte, as many insiders and casual fans have predicted, wants equal to what he was paid last season with the team. And why not? The Yankees - who just spent what's equivalent to the GDP of Taiwan on 1 ace, 1 slugger, and 1 asshole who's primed to bend over the Bombers and give them a good rogering - can afford it.

But, at least on this one (we know it was your evil old man who stuck you with the needles, Andy!), I have to disagree with Pettitte's position. His negotiating tactics are pretty weak, especially when he starts the offseason by saying, "if I play, it's going to be for the Yankees, and only the Yankees". That's like walking into your boss's office after spending weeks saying HR would have to castrate you with a pair of hedge-clippers before you ever thought about leaving your company, and then a week later you demand that a raise, or you're moving on to greener pastures. Pettitte's agent, Randy Hendricks (of McNamee and Clemens fame), has stated that another team has offered a 3 year, $36MM contract. Unfortunately, he has been unable to provide the name of the team, or even which league the team is in, thus proving that not only are agents fucking retarded, but GM's alike, are the same, or equal to in fucking retardedness.

I say bring Andy back, but meet in the middle financially. It can't hurt to throw another lefty into the rotation. While the Yankees do have a bevy of young prospects - Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy, Phil Coke, Alfredo Aceves, Humberto Sanchez - I wouldn't put pressure on any of these guys to immediately produce. Let them marinates, either in relief roles at the major league level, or in Scranton. Except Kennedy, trade him for a fucking bag of generic steroids and a homemade bong customized by J.C. Romero.

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