Wednesday, January 7, 2009

This is a Downgrade, 'Rado

It seems as though most baseball staff writers use the same phrases over and over again when reporting a minor trade/free agent signing/murder. The most common ones are, "Offensive Boost", "Add a Bat", and "Milton Bradley slays entire section of bleacher fans". And I understand the need to use these generic terms, but judging by the headline highlighted above, this particular writer has no fucking clue what he is talking about.

Not only does Jason Marquis not "bolster" the Rockies rotation, he poisons it. He's the hemlock in the tea, the cyanide capsule that your spouse is trying to sneak into your Yoo-hoo. In no way, shape, or form is Jason Marquis a good pitcher. He's not even a below-average pitcher. He's a poor pitcher at best. Don't let his average lines fool you, this guy slurps the life right out of a team.

Why in God's gorgeous and unmolested earth Colorado decided to trade for Marquis, we may never know, but he will no doubt take the same route that most pitchers take when the enter that odd and different atmosphere that hovers over Coors Field. And even though they only gave away a boozed up and aggitated Luis Vizcaino, they should have never consummated the deal.

Check back here in May when Marquis is bitching for a trade, and blaming his shitty performance on something other than his inability to not suck.


J said...

One thing he can do? Hit better than Andruw Jones.

xGooks said...

If you lined up all the contestants from the Biggest Loser (Jones included for obvious reasons, i.e. he's fat), you probably have better than a 50/50 shot of finding someone who hits better than Andruw at this point. He got KICKED OUT of the winterball league because he's so bad. I'm pretty sure Jose Lima is at least a #2 level starter in that league.