Monday, February 16, 2009

1.21 Gigawatts of Denial

So, while some of you sit at work on this gorgeous President's Day, and I sit here drinking coffee in my dirty sweatpants, I've been pondering something: If you point fingers and blame someone of performing an illegal act or violating your privacy in an illegal way, in the midst of a tell-all confession about how you "used to" inject illegal drugs into your ass, what's the best way to NOT look like an even bigger hypocrite?

Well, one thing's for sure - you do not - I repeat, do not - go back on accusations you just made a little over a week ago. Never. Apparently, A-Rod is in the forgiving mood, or realizes Selena Roberts "may, or may not" sue the salsa-rhinestone pants off of him, but he is already apologizing to the SI reporter for accusation he made during his scripted apology/confession with Pete Gammons.

Me? I would've done it different than Alex. I would have held steady. I don't care if at one point I accused Roberts of traveling through time and injecting me with the steroids, I would have done everything in my power to keep the lie going. Instead of admitting that I do not have the power to create a time paradox, I would have shown the press my old moped (you know A-Rod has one of those) and said it has the ability - with the help of some crazy old scientist - to time travel when it hits 88 mph. Who cares if onlookers gawk like you just pulled Melky Cabrera out of your asshole? You are already a liar, and you always will be a liar, so why not be a ridiculous, and slightly unstable liar? It seems more fun, right?

The funny (and depressing) thing is, I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I think A-Rod could have taken a page out of the Roger Clemens comic book of defense - and done the old DENY DENY DENY!

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