Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Amazing Untradable Man

Let's forget for a moment that you make less money than most public school janitors, and you have the social skills of an autistic hermit, and let's think hypothetically - If you were suddenly hired as the General Manager of a MLB franchise, would you pay $23M for these numbers:

.300, 27 HR, 99 RBI, .332 OBP

Well, you may advise against, but that's what J.P. Riccardi is set to pay in 2011 for the services of oft-injured center fielder, Vernon Wells. The stat-line above is his annual career average, but keep in mind he hasn't come close to those numbers since 2006. He missed almost 60 games last season. He's already out for 2-4 weeks this season. So why the big contract? Why the huge salary?

For starters, Riccardi - between insulting Adam Dunn and hinting at the inevitable trade of Roy Halladay - he back-loaded this deal, which is more disturbing to look at than a fat Baltimorean trying to eat his shoe by sousing it in Old Bay. Wells (who *laughing* can opt-out of this deal after the '11 season) is set to make, $21M in the final three years of his contract, which ends after the 2014 season. But the odds of Wells backing out of this undeserved gold mine are slimmer than Chris Brown hosting the "Women Against Spousal Abuse" benefit dinner, guaranteeing that Wells' salary will make up almost 25% of Toronto's total budget.

Somewhere in a meager home surrounded by cheap, IKEA furniture and large quantities of generic Costco brand cereal, Billy Beane deletes Riccardi's contact information from his cell phone, and then dry humps a life-sized cut-out of Bill James.

BallHype: hype it up!

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