Monday, February 16, 2009
Creepy Comparison #62: Out, Indefinitely
There are two (thousand) things I vehemently hate in this world. Two that make my pasty skin crawl. Two that make me want to get the bobby-stick out from under the nightstand. They are: 1) people who tell me to watch TV shows I've never seen mainly because I have zero interest in the topic, and 2) injured pitchers absorbing massive amounts of salary.
A quick breakdown for that ass...
First, the injured pitcher piece - I'm feeling nice today, so I'll give A.J. the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he will start 34 games again. Maybe he will be dominate. Maybe he will make people forget about Carl Pavano, Kevin Brown, Randy Johnson, and every other import pitcher that rode into town and raised the suck meter a bit higher for their respective successor. I like to dream. Let's all dream together, so when A.J. goes on the DL around May 13th, we can all assume it's just a figment of our collective imagination.
Now, the TV show part. Look, I get it, you really like your show about plastic surgery, midgets and other weirdo shit. And I understand you feel the need to press it on me, and you can roll your eyes until they fucking bleed when I tell you I've never seen it, and I don't really give a fuck about it. Because here's something you don't know about me - I'm fucking freaked out by people being sliced and diced on TV. If someone clicks on the surgery channel, I'm the guy sticking butter knives in his eye sockets. And the funny thing is, I'm even more freaked out by dwarfs. Call me insensitive, call me an asshole, but fuck that freaky shit, and fuck "Nip Tuck" too. I'll stick to Harold Reynolds wandering hands on Hot Stove all day, every day.