Monday, February 2, 2009

Hope is on the Horizon


If any of you are like me - a dejected fan of a shit NFL team that was eliminated from postseason contention the minute they inked Brett Favre and flushed a year down the fucking toilet - then this is the time of the year that you start to salivate over the upcoming baseball season. Maybe being a Yankees fan enhances the anticipation, seeing that they spent a whopping $400MM+ on offseason bounty, but with the recent success of the Rays, there should be plenty of hope to go around.

Here are a few other things I'm looking forward to in the next couple of months:

- Warm weather. Living in a cold climate sucks. Mornings suck, nights suck, walking to Lenny's to get a sandwich for lunch sucks infinitely. Fuck Punxsutawney Phil and his shadow, I've got my fingers crossed for an early Spring.

- The rise of a nobody. Every Spring Training, some team allows some useless scrub or a washed up vet to fill a spot on their vacant roster (see Ludwick, Ryan in '08 and Pena, Carlos in '07). These players start off hot, sending throngs of reporters to Dick's Sporting Goods for new knee pads, and an army of fantasy nerds into a fit of uncontrollable waiver-wire excitement.

- It's now February. That means there's only four more months of NBA highlights left to bleed my eyeballs and crush my blackened soul.

- More "Sunday Night Baseball" with Jon Miller and Joe Morgan on ESPN. I, like most true baseball fans, can't stand these two bumbling dip-shits. They are as informative as a corpse floating in the Hudson. Seeing and listening to more of their incompetence can only help get the hate pumping through my veins. More hate = better writing. And high blood pressure. But mostly, better writing.

- The potential failure of the Chicago Cubs. Oh boy does this leave me giddy. Hopefully this season they will make it to the World Series and fail, and not just to the divisional round. It has to be epic. I can wait patiently until October, just as long as the Cubs collapse is of legendary proportions.

- More A-Rod. Why? Because a superstar who highlights his hair blond, wears fucking Mickey Mouse gloves to bat, runs like a 7-year old kid being chased by his drunken step-father, and has sex with old women is always, always funny.

- Yankees vs. Red Sox. Hate all you want, rest-of-the-free-world, there is no rivalry in sports (I care about) more than this one.

- Bad predictions. Remember last season when every writer in America predicted that the Detroit Tigers would win the World Series, even though they had lineup holes and a shaky pitching staff and a closer who would rather be stringing together malapropisms and dangling participles for The Sporting News than working on his deteriorating stuff? And remember the retractions and denial showed by these writers when they hit the ground, face-first? Well, nothing makes me happier than "experts" eating their "expert" proclamations by May 1st.

- Manny's revenge. Whoever signs him is signing a borderline psychotic who will not stop demolishing the ball into outer space until everyone who ever wronged him is put firmly in their place.

[image courtesy of here]


BallHype: hype it up!

1 comment:

King Dong said...

you forgot Rickey's HOF speech...