Monday, February 23, 2009

Letter to the Editor - Round II


In between burning crosses on lawns and getting the inside scoop on which underage starlet was caught blowing lines off of Amy Winehouse's dick, the New York Post has just enough time to print poorly written drivel composed by - I assume - psychotic vagabonds living in a fort made out of trash cans. And I just so happen to have the time to critique them. Coincidence? Maybe...

And here we go...

If today's steroid users are going to be banned from the Hall of Fame, then the
cheaters of the past must be removed

Judging by this well formulated topic sentence, this man is obviously getting at something here. Stop tantalizing me with your dynamic lead in and let me in on your ploy!

Ty Cobb, among the first men ever elected, used to sharpen his spikes and go at
second basemen.

He also maimed a disabled heckler, spit on blacks, and bragged about killing a man...so what's your point?

Gaylord Perry made a career of throwing spitters.

Not to mention his name is "Gaylord"!

As far as illegal substances go, let's just void the coked-up 1980's from our
minds.
I don't think being paranoid and concentrating on not shitting your pants while you're trying to protect the plate on a 2-2 count from Bruce Hurst while geeked can really be classified as "cheating".

Then there's the matter of Babe Ruth drinking during Prohibition, when it was
illegal.

This guy obviously wants to nitpick every single flaw every player in history ever had. Hey Mantle, you fucked anything with warmer blood than an ice cube, and you were married - don't you know that's a sin! Hey Gehrig, way to go out and die on us, you jerk!

The past is the past, let's drop the subject and move on.

James Panzo,
Brooklyn

Well, James, you seem like a naive prick, so I'll keep this short and sweet - everything - and I mean everything - a person says when caught red-handed and forced to fess-up in front of millions of people is always, always 100% true. They never lie. So keep believing A-Rod's been clean since '03 and makes sure to leave some extra cookies out for Santa, you fucking rube.

1 comment:

Mister Turkey said...

And don't forget about Joe Torre doing 42 mph in a 35 mph zone. Speeding is breaking the law too!