Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Manny Rejects Colletti's Bundle

Manny doesn't seem to think $25MM over 1 year is a lot of money. Well, I do. And just to drill the point home, here's a list of what I would do for that kind of cash:

- Get a Red Sox tattoo
- Eat marinated steak off the floor of a subway car
- Hang out in Times Square on New Years Eve
- Take Mike Piazza to Bloomingdale's on Black Friday
- Go to Crobar with Herm Edwards
- Play Frolf with Rodney Harrison
- Challenge Ron Guidry to a staring match
- Eat a garbage can full of Portobello mushrooms
- Go to my (last) work meeting stark naked
- Watch two full hours of the E channel
- Take a carriage ride through Central Park with Jason Varitek
- Shower in the sink at Grand Central Terminal
- Drive a crowded Jitney - sober - to the Hampton's on a perfectly clear Friday night in July
- Purposely lose a game of Trivial Pursuit to Curt Schilling
- Sit bitch between Kevin Youkilis and Kevin Millar in a cab that I'm paying for

Now, I know what you're thinking - you're thinking, "I would do all of this stuff for much less money!"

Well, you don't know me that well. And you don't know how much I hate everything and everyone on the above list. Simply imagining performing any of these tasks makes me violently ill. But for that kind of money, I would gladly follow through on any single one of them. So why wouldn't Manny sign a one-year deal? Is it the Boras' influence? Is it Manny's stubbornness? Or is Omar Minaya another team getting ready to hand over the ransom he commands? Does anyone really know what's going on?

But so you know, all of you bourgeoisie readers that are also multi-millionaires with a some extra time on your hands, my offer still stands - I'll stamp that fucking sign of the Devil/Red Sox logo right in the middle of my chest, for that kind of money.

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