Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Off the Rack


Dunn to Washington. Abreu to Los Angeles. Alomar to the clinic. Strawberry to Westminister Abbey. What a fucking day for baseball.

While I've already got into Straw, and don't want to touch (literally) Alomar, here are a few notes on the two most recent signings...

Bobby to the Left Coast

The Abreu signing left me scratching my head. I understand he came at a bargain price, and the team is desperate need of lefty bat, but, what about the Angels crowded outfield? How do you split time equally? One way to solve it is to dump Gary Mathews Jr., because he sucks royally, and I'd rather have the clueless bat boy take a few cuts instead of him, but that's not going to happen. So now Scioscia's stuck playing moral warden to Mathews, Vlad, Bobby, Juan Rivera, and Torii Hunter, while potentially blocking the so-called "blue chips" prospects we've heard (but not seen) so much about at the same time. Not a great recipe, my friends. You know what is, though? Thrice baked Macaroni and Cheese. If you don't like that, then you're a Nazi.

Dunn to D.C.

I think Dunn was a better signing than most people think. Reporters and writers like to harp on the midget dimensions of The Great American Ballpark, but his splits read as follows:

- Home: 1905 AB, .251 BA, 150 HR, 350 RBI, .389 OBP
- Away: 1966 AB, .242 BA, 128 HR, 322 RBI, .373 OBP

Not much of a difference, right? I somtimes thing the press A) can't double-fucking-click on the blue 'E' symbol on their computers, and B) are just morons. Look, Dunn isn't winning a batting titles any time soon - actually, ever - but he is getting on base more than the rest of those abysmal losers Washington's trotted out there every day last season. Keep reading into batting average, the rest of you peasants, I'll take OBP all day, every day. Boom. Now, watch Zimm light it up like it's Jim Leyland's break time.

So, now that the Free Agent outfield situation is settling nicely, does this mean Manny will be fucking signed soon? Need a little push?

Hey, Ned - get your fucking act together! Open up your wallet and sign him, you stingy bastard!

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