Monday, March 2, 2009

Another One Bites the Dust


The reign of Jim Bowden in D.C. has completed its arc. Maybe not an "arc", per se, more like a bump, really. Either way, yesterday morning, after what I'm sure was a not only an interesting but hilarious conversation with National's owner Ted Lerner, Bowden stepped down as the team's General Manager.

Life resumed within seconds, and most bystanders didn't even take the time to turn their head to see Bowden's lifeless corpse being removed from the Nat's training facility in Viera, FL.

But I'm assuming it's been a tough couple of weeks for the dozen or so people that care about him. So as a tribute, here's a look back at some of Bowden's finer general managing moments.

  • 2003 - After being fired as Reds's GM, he compares the Player's Union with Al Qaeda. He even verbalizes his idea that Union head Donald Fehr: "drive the plane right into the building". We all know he was being metaphoric. But what he wasn't trying to veil was his complete and utter retardedness.
  • 2006 - Received a DWI with above-average and pleasantly-not-fat wife and no-name actress, Joy Browning.
  • 2009 - It is revealed that 2006 rookie free agent signee Esmailyn "Smiley" Gonzalez is not his listed age of 19, but actually 35, and Irish.
  • 2009 - Being investigated by the FBI for stealing signing bonus money from Latin players. Forgets that Latin people carry razor blades under their tongues.
  • 2009 - A resignation to remember.

Well, it's been fun, but not really. I'm assuming Bowden's career is over - there isn't much of a market for hard-drinking embezzlers who have a sexual preference for B actresses. Then again, there's always Wall Street. Come to think of it, he would fit right in with those slick-talking, cold-hearted, pension-stealing, cocksuckers.

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