Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Desperation of Barry 1,2,3


Apparently nobody told Barry Bonds and his dip-shit agent that right now, in baseball, it's sort of a bad time to attract controversy, because they're looking for a contract. Now, there are some things in life I will never understand. CD's, for example - how in fuck's sake are the Kings of Leon playing from this flat disc of plastic? The same thing goes for DVD's - please explain to me how you're keeping Robert Shaw in this neat package when I know he must be dying for a gallon of bourbon and a woman's face to smack by now!

Yes, I understand - it's all considered"technology" (and by "technology" I mean "magic") but Barry Bonds' prerogative falls into the same "I don't get it" category. I just can't fathom what would possess him to think there's a market out their for his services. Does he actually think teams are going to be excited about this? Is his agent that persuasive, so much in fact that he convinced Barry that team's will forget that his "trial" with a "Grand Jury" has been "delayed" and team's will forget all about those lingering "steroid allegations" and just throw some cash in his face? Does Barry even need more money? How big are his goddamn feet now? They have to be the same size as fucking Gheorghe Muresan's by now, right?

Then again, there's always a flip-side to the situation...

A Barry Bonds comeback could potentially take some heat off A-Rod. And it's not that I care if A-Rod lives, or falls down a well, but it would be nice to sit down and relax on a warm May afternoon and not have to listen to Michael Kay give his imbecilic take on why A-rod took the juice.

In reality, I doubt Barry's getting an offer. Just like I doubt I'll ever be able to extract Robert Shaw from my "Taking of Pelham 1,2,3" DVD. But stranger things have happened, right? Like Mike Piazza being married to a chick - what is that all about!

3 comments:

AK-47 said...

You just keep pushing me and pushing me and pushing me, and one day, I'm just going to snap.

You don't see me relentlessly going after Danny Tartabull do you?!?!

Doc Holliday said...

Fuck Danny T - he was a real schmuck.

Mr. A-Hole said...

Fuck Barry!