Thursday, March 19, 2009

My 2009 MLB Wishlist

On my way to work today, as I was crossing 9th avenue, a saw something in the gutter. Normally, I'd just keep walking because that 'something' would be a person shouting obscenities at me if I even so much as crossed their field of vision, but this time it was a unusual twinkle that caught my eye. I walked over, bent down and picked up the curious item. It seemed foreign. It was obviously covered in 9th avenue filth, but the light from the new day's sun was being caught here and there and it appeared to have an unusual shine under all that grime. I gave it a bit of a rub and low and behold, out pops a genie!

And wouldn't you know it, after a few minutes of conversing I find out that he's not just any genie, he's a baseball genie! Will wonders ever cease?

Well, he granted me 3 wishes for the upcoming season and here they are, in no particular order:

  • Washington, Pittsburgh, San Diego or Seattle break the record for losses - We all know these teams were bad last year. In fact, they were horrible. I'd finally like to see a team so bad that they lose 121 games and let the 1962 expansion New York Mets off the hook as the team with the most regular season losses in the modern era.

  • KC Royals own the NY Yankees - We all know every year there is one shitty AL team that the Yankees just can't figure out how to beat. They try with all their money-fueled might but no matter who's on the mound or up at the plate, they just can't beat those pesky _______s. It used to be the Rays, but now they're nasty. I'd love for this void to be filled by the Royals. Not many things would give me as much pleasure as watching the fighting-to-reach-.500 Royals befuddle the Yanks and go 8-2 in the season series. Oh, I can hear Michael Kay now, "Boy, these Royals are FOR REAL. Just look how hard they play the Bombers. These aren't you're daddy's Royals, no sir. These Royals are here to stay, I mean, if you can beat the Yankees like they do and really play tough and grind out wins, you can just flat out play, blah, blah, blah..."

  • Wagner comes back to Mets 'pen in September - No one's talked about this much because the Mets got 2 new closers over the offseason, but it's not that far-fetched. He had Tommy John surgery in early September of '08, and as everyone knows, you're back in about 12 months after going under the knife. They even had to tell him to tone it down recently because he was on schedule to come back too fast and didn't want him to re-injure his arm. What do I want for Christmas in September/October if that's when Christmas was? Situational righty J.J. Putz and situational lefty Billy Wagner setting up closer Francisco Rodriguez. Please Santa, I've been a good boy.


Doc Holliday said...

God, you're a homer...

And are you sure what you found on 9th avenue wasn't some bum's piss-pot?

AK-47 said...

I shook it and something sprayed out. End of story.