Thursday, March 26, 2009

Neon Deion Wants to Teach You How to Stay in Shape


*Laughing*

*Laughing*

*Still Laughing*

In what is being called a monumentally insignificant move in the world of offseason fitness training and professional guidance, California based Complete Athlete has teamed up with Deion Sanders' program Jheri-Curled Cocksucker L.C. PrimeTimePlayer to increase the size and versatility of their program. The statement also says that Deion is being hired to help softball (yes, softball) and baseball players more visibly amongst college and pro scouts.

One can assume that Deion will be teaching them how to act like selfish assholes, make awful rap videos about Jesus, and subdue opponents with career ending knee injuries because he is too much of a coward to tackle.

If Complete Athletes' program is about staying healthy and playing hard, why in God's Holy-Fucking-Green-Earth would they want Deion Sanders involved? He invented taking plays off. He invented being lazy. He invented the body-throw to stop offensive players. And although he didn't invent the self-absorbed athlete - he did refine it.

Complete Athlete - where athletes go to learn how to be bad teammates and clubhouse cancers!

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