Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Gary Sheffield - All the Way Fired


In the first bold move to come out of the Motor City since the discontinuation of the Ford Taurus, the Tigers released DH Gary Sheffield. With government bailouts flowing like the boxed wine and divorcee rally, the Tigers figured that things couldn't get much worse, and decided to eat the remaining $14 Million left on Sheffield's contract.

On the other end of the twisted spectrum is the Sheff, who's 1 home run shy of 500, and will probably succumb to his internal rage and end up strangling some innocent street-walker tonight.

Personally, I think it stems from the loss of street-credit Sheff took when that gangly doofus Fausto Carmona handed him a custom ass-whip last September, because what purpose does an over-the-hill slugger with fading skills serve other than being a menace to opposing pitchers?

Regardless, let me be the first to say, sayonara, asshole!

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