Team Name: The Hebrew Hammers
Hometown: Tel Aviv, by way of Crown Heights, Brookyln
Strengths: Ryan Braun's power, Youk's non-Greek glove and eye, Holy Man/Captain Shawn Green's pregame prayers, and savvy, yet frugal, ways with money
Weaknesses: Jason Marquis's desire to be traded to a Non-Jewish team, David Eckstein's non-Jewish heritage*, lack of any bench, awful rotation, the Golem
Team Summary: While these guys may not boast the deepest depth chart, they do have serviceable pop in their lineup. No Goyam is beating this team without a scrappy and possibly litigated fight.
Manager: Bob Melvin - Arizona Diamondbacks
C - Brad Ausmus - Los Angels Dodgers
The cagey vet, the battery-mate anyone would be happy to sit shiva with.
1B - Kevin Youkilis - Boston Red Sox - The guy who plays every game like it's his last, even if it's not for money, and it's at the expense and health of less-caring teammates.
2B - David Newhan - Houston Astros
SS - David Eckstein* - San Diego Padres
3B - Ryan Braun - Milwaukee Brewers
The offensive cog who's not only a Long Island mother's dream son-in-law, but also a dangerous power threat.
OF - Gabe Kapler - Tampa Bay Rays
The fitness freak
OF - Shawn Green - Free Agent/Retired
OF - Adam Stern - Milwaukee Brewers
SP - Jason Marquis - Colorado Rockies
The Ace who's not even close to an Ace.
SP - Jason Hirsch - Colorado Rockies
The young gun.
SP - Scott Feldman - Texas Rangers
The "Use in Emergency Only" pitcher.
RP - Scott Schoeneweis - Arizona Diamondbacks
Lefty Reliever #1.
RP - Craig Breslow - Minnesota Twins
Lefty Reliever #2.
CL - John Grabow - Pittsburgh Pirates
The Closer (who's also a lefty).
Thanks to Upstate Underdog, I was reminded that I left 2B Ian Kinsler off the roster. How? I have no clue. But maybe it was because the weird Jewish website I got all these names from was too busy trying to get me to go on Birthright or some shit.
Anyway, 2B Ian Kinsler - L'chaim!