Monday, March 9, 2009

The Stereotypical World Classic of Baseball Contests

Team Name: The Black Irish
Hometown: County Cork, Ireland by way of East New York, Brooklyn
Strengths: Speed, versatility, and alcohol tolerance
Weaknesses: Amber hued liquid, ZERO STARTING PITCHING, low batting average
Team Summary: Speedy on the base paths, crafty with gloves, but prone to missing time because of severe hangovers and recovery time allowed for bar-fighting with distant cousin


Manager: Willie Randolph

1B - James Loney
Middle-of-the-order threat, enjoys Tullamore Dew straight

2B - Rickie Weeks
He's up, he's down, he's good, he's bad - Weeks is as unpredictable as an Irish housewife on coke.

SS - Bill Hall
The cagey veteran who can play ten positions, but none of them very well.

3B - Freddie Bynum
Fodder for the media

OF - Chris Young
Lots of stats, bad average

OF - Michael Bourn
Fast as hell, but gets on base less than you're mom

OF - Carl Crawford
Team Captain

BN - Shannon Stewart
Washed-up vet

BN - Cliff Floyd
See above

BN - Corey Patterson
See above, and above

BN - Howie Kendrick
Oft-injured Pariah

SP - Ian Snell
The lone gun - Arm will eventually have the consistency of cabbage

RP - Arthur Rhodes
Lefty reliever, old man

RP - Ray King
Lefty reliever, old man, not very effective

RP - Tom Gordon
Righty reliever, old man, ornery around the Holidays

BallHype: hype it up!


Upstate Underdog said...

I would make former major leaguer Troy O'Leary bench coach.

Doc Holliday said...

It was hard leaving him off. But he is the Patron Saint of the team.