Friday, March 27, 2009

That's Why You Sign an "Ace"

In an extremely melodramatic move, The Yankees announced that CC Sabathia will take the hill on Opening Day 2009 in Baltimore.

Also on the agenda, Michael Kay will spend at least 2+ hours fawning over everything that is A-Rod, John Sterling will perpetually botch each of his nicknaming attempts for the 300 lb behemoth, Johnny Damon will tear some back muscles, A.J. Burnett will report elbow pain, Derek Jeter will talk about what an honor it is to be playing another season, Hideki Matsui will rake 13 doubles even though his knee is filled with lime jello, Mariano Rivera will expose his rapidly receding hairline, and this guy right here will drink too much and call the waitress an "asshole" for mixing up my choice of light beers. I DEMAND YOU SERVE ME THE CORRECT WATER-FLAVORED BEER!

All will go as planned. See you then.

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