Wednesday, April 1, 2009

7 Days, 7 Years: 2004

That's right, assholes, only 7 days left until winter officially ends and God returns to us the smell of freshly cut grass, pine tar, steroid allegations and wintergreen skoal. So, in honor of this divine festival of baseball, day-drinking and tears of joy, we will be counting down the top pitching performances from the past 7 seasons, starting with 2002, and ending with 2008. Feel free to disagree in the comments. Or short walk, long pier. Either way, it's time to rejoice.

2004 - Johan Santana, Minnesota Twins

Stats: 20-6, 2.61 ERA, 265 K's, American League Cy Young Award Winner

Although most of the 2004 season is blacked-out of my mind forever, and will go down in history as one of the most miserable October's of my life - it was also the season that former Rule 5 draft pick Johan Santana established himself as a force in Major League Baseball. In his first full year in the Twins rotation, Santana started 34 games, pitched 228 innings, and won 20 games. But this information is barely the tip of the iceberg - the real dominance took hold after the All-Star break in July.

Santana's second half numbers read like a box score recapping a professional Ace pitching against blind little leaguers - he started 15 games, pitched 104 innings and went 13-0 with a 1.21 ERA and 129 K's. Ready to shit your pants? He had 14 earned runs during this run. 14. Yes, 14. Four-fucking-teen. That's Koufax-esque. His batting average against was .154. His 2nd half OPS? Oh, just a slim .444.

His two postseason starts against the Yankees were also up-to-par. And by "up-to-par" I mean, "in retrospect, better than everything you've ever done in your life combined". Built a house? Better. Rescued a child from drowning? Better. Single-handedly fought off 17 muggers with nothing but a prosthetic leg and a broken umbrella? STILL BETTER.

Observe: 12 IP, 0.75 ERA, 12 K's.

And the dominance continues to this day. Santana, as the Mets Ace, is fulfilling AK's wildest dreams on an every-fifth-day basis - and what's become the Mets annual collapse is September, an every-third-day-basis.

Reign on, you sonuvabitch, reign on.


AK-47 said...

Since it won't be the bullpen this year that leads to the Doc-proclaimed "annual collapse", what part of the team could possibly let us down this year?

Doc Holliday said...

Jose Reyes gets caught blowing guys in a truck stop bathroom for money?

Carlos Delgado gets linked to the Taliban?

John Maine realizes he's John Maine?

David Murphy turns into Melky Cabrera?

Luis Castillo, uh, plays full-time?

AK-47 said...

Chances of each happening:

1) 20%

2) 50%

3) 15%

4) 0%

5) 100%

Jay Buhner said...

yankees management are geniuses for holding onto ian kennedy and melky for santana..they really panned out as the sick prospects that kike cashman said they would be

Doc Holliday said...

I'll have to agree with the always charming and racist Jay Buhner.