Today - to the pants-dropping, self-gratifying delight of Michael Kay and throngs of other Yankees fans - is the first game at the new Yankee Stadium. As I've explained in the past, I'm not very sentimental. But I am happy that the pregame ceremony is set to start at 11:30, giving me several hours of shit to do other than fail at work.
Now, I know many many
No, wrong. Dead. Fucking. Wrong.
Michael Kay epitomizes the idiocy of most booth announcers. I don't know who's worse, the brain-dead assholes doing Sunday Night Baseball over at ESPN or this babbling motherfucker. Kay takes fandom, poor baseball knowledge, and hypocrisy to peaks and apexes that even fucking God has yet to discover. Have you ever noticed he cannot handle more than two seconds of silence before he has to state the obvious several times over? It's like he was locked in a bedroom closet as a kid and left there for hours on end with nothing to play with but a plastic hanger and a smock. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! I KNOW A.J. BURNETT JUST STRUCK OUT THE SIDE - IT LITERALLY HAPPENED 3 SECONDS AGO!
(bashes in drywall with hammer fist)
...Anyway, so I'm real excited for today's game. How many changes of pants do you think Kay has on hand? I say the line is 4. Feel free to disagree in comments.