Thursday, April 16, 2009

Michael Kay Can't Stop, Won't Stop

Today - to the pants-dropping, self-gratifying delight of Michael Kay and throngs of other Yankees fans - is the first game at the new Yankee Stadium. As I've explained in the past, I'm not very sentimental. But I am happy that the pregame ceremony is set to start at 11:30, giving me several hours of shit to do other than fail at work.

Now, I know many many deaf Yankees fans are okay with the guy pictured above. They seem to deal with him as if he were a young, retarded child screaming in a diner at 10am on a Sunday. He can't help the ridiculous and moronic shit he says, or does, right?

No, wrong. Dead. Fucking. Wrong.

Michael Kay epitomizes the idiocy of most booth announcers. I don't know who's worse, the brain-dead assholes doing Sunday Night Baseball over at ESPN or this babbling motherfucker. Kay takes fandom, poor baseball knowledge, and hypocrisy to peaks and apexes that even fucking God has yet to discover. Have you ever noticed he cannot handle more than two seconds of silence before he has to state the obvious several times over? It's like he was locked in a bedroom closet as a kid and left there for hours on end with nothing to play with but a plastic hanger and a smock. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! I KNOW A.J. BURNETT JUST STRUCK OUT THE SIDE - IT LITERALLY HAPPENED 3 SECONDS AGO!

(bashes in drywall with hammer fist)

...Anyway, so I'm real excited for today's game. How many changes of pants do you think Kay has on hand? I say the line is 4. Feel free to disagree in comments.


AK-47 said...

I too intensly hate Michael Kay.

Upstate Underdog said...

Couldn't agree more about Kay. Sometimes when watching the games on YES I consider switching to Sterling and Waldman on the radio. Kay is that fucking bad sometimes.

xGooks said...

4? How much will you take on as a bet? I have a mortgage i will easily put on the over. It's a 9 inning game with cliff lee on the mound. I'm going with 9.

Doc Holliday said...


I'd honestly rather listen to someone being strangled than listen to Susan Waldman. When I'm stuck listening to a game while driving, swerving my car into oncoming traffic always becomes an option...

Don't know if you're watching, but he is surprisingly tame. Ken Singleton may have slipped him a Valium before the game.

Mr. A-Hole said...

Michael Kay and gay rhyme.

Anonymous said...

Singleton is about as exciting as watching paint dry..and michael kay is just a nerd that got lucky, he is problem still a virgin..they should both go and work at a library together somewhere