Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Worry About Something Serious, Already...Like The Plague


Here's the truth about Joba Chamberlain's velocity: It will be fine. Seriously. Stop losing sleep over it. Stop neglecting your kids. Go take them to IHOP or something. God knows they need some fucking sort of a parental guidance.

Let's put a few things into perspective before everyone has an unnecessary heart attack over something that's such a minor issue. Joba is coming off an injury, he's prepping to move into the rotation, and he's refining his 3rd and 4th pitch. Trainers have said his arm is stiff. They said he needs more reps. Once he gets them, he should be fine. He touched on 96 mph yesterday. So what the fuck? Why the worry? Why the fuss?

Well, the main issue here is the legendary circle of New York hack-writers have nothing else to whine about. A-Rod is in Colorado doing god-knows-who, Joel Sherman has run the random Jeter-bashing wagon off a cliff, nobody cares about Roger-fucking-Clemens anymore, Andy Pettitte still loves Jesus, Nick Swisher's a clubhouse guy, Robbie Cano still doesn't give a shit about baseball, CC Sabathia is fat, A.J. Burnett is a hick, Mark Teixeira is obviously better than you, Brian Bruney is out to prove something for the third year in a row, and Mariano Rivera's hairline is still receding.

So, who's left? The mighty Joba, that's who, and his drop in velocity that's *gasp* suddenly come back to life. Story. Over.

4 comments:

J said...

Methinks this was written on the wrong site...

Doc Holliday said...

J, you have my permission to syndicate this beautiful piece of work.

Oscar Gamble said...

joba will have the most k's in the league this year if they give him the innings

J said...

I want what Oscar is smoking.