Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Brilliance Avoided

There are, or will be, times in your life when you feel that everyone else is the person who devises that "great" idea. You feel like you just can't get a verbal handle on all those brilliant thoughts swimming through your mind, but Joe Jackoff can, and this makes you angry, or depressed, or pushes you over the edge and forces you to bring a carbine rifle into work. It happens. Let's face it.

Well, we can all rest assured for now, because at least we all know we're smarter than the VP of promotions for Major League Baseball. Red fucking hat day? Really, asshole? This was not a good idea. It was a terrible idea. It was similar to watching a little league all star game, where the league's board member were too cheap to shell out for the matching t-shirt and instead provides the poor little fuckers with a cheap, not-suited-for-even-Wal-Mart-quality fishnet hat. GAY!

This is a billion dollar business, the MLB, so who the fuck okayed this shit? It looked AWFUL. And in no way is this a tribute to our active or fallen soldiers.

I imagine dickhead-in-charge-had this to say:

"Hey guys, just so you know, every player will be wearing an MLB licensed red hat for you today! Look, look, we assimilated the American flag into each team's emblem! We hope this small yet kind gesture makes you feel full of pride while you dodge exploding roadside bombs and stray bullets fired by a 12-year-old fanatic, and for those of you who have returned home, protesters with swollen trust funds a knack for back door bigotry! Hooray for the U.S.-of-fucking-A!"

You should be de-balled. A representative from each branch of the military should be allowed to walk up to you and knee you in the cock. You're worthless at your job, and your ideas are worse than the guy who invented camouflage uniforms. Unless that was you too, and then you deserve to be quartered before Game 1 of the World Series. And here's one last piece of advice: die.

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