Friday, May 1, 2009

Canseco Wants to Hit the Mats


Jose Canseco is sick of not failing at more things in life. He's already worked his way out of professional baseball, had sexual relations with Madonna before she popped out two kids, turned his back on each relationship he developed during his 17 pro seasons, had his home foreclosed on, lost all his money, and got his ass handed to him in his only attempt at boxing.

So, what's next?

Oh, just another foray into the world of combat sports. That's right, Canseco's going to test the MMA waters.

Now, I'm not a fan of MMA to begin with, I prefer boxing. Think it's old fashioned? Fuck you. Think I should, "get with the times"? Go choke on a dick. But I will definitely watch this hulking, orange-skinned asshole get pummeled by some college kid from Santa Monica who specializes in Kempo.

This inevitable beating is Canseco's destiny. It may even get me to appreciate the sport a bit more...Oh wait, I won't, never will, and generally don't care, but fuck it, I want to see a bloodbath!

1 comment:

xGooks said...

Thought the article said, "Canseco wants to hit the Mets". That would have been awkward for him to start punching Don Warthen - but if JJ Putz got in line for a smack or two, I'd be alright with that.

Also, i'd like for him to get hit by a truck.