Friday, May 15, 2009

Iron Man Wants to Know Gory Details, Dammit!


I went to college in Baltimore. At one point, after having my electricity turned off and getting evicted from my apartment, I was forced to move into a house with five full-blown, die-hard Orioles fans. And not your run of the mill fans, either. They honestly believed that Cal Ripken Jr. was one of the top 3 baseball players EVER. Ever as in, "the history of the sport we know as baseball". The Babe, Mays, then Cal. I'm as serious as Brett Myers fucking eyebrows.

Now, I understand their obsession with the man. He was good - great even - but after this mornings sports reads, I'll never understand why he decided he wants to get to the bottom of A-Rod's steroid use (link to story, here).

Why does Ripken care? Better yet, why would he want to know the details of one shady motherfuckers foray into the world of PED's? If I were acquaintances with A-Rod, and decided to have a heart-to-heart with him over some Old Bay slathered crabs, I know for sure that my interest would disintegrate the minute Alex started to describe the first time he had his cousin inject him with a syringe in some alleyway in the Dominican Republic. Gross. And creepy. Creepy gross.

My advice to Mr. Do-Gooder Ripken is leave it alone, buddy. Stay as far away as possible. Stick to building Little League fields and being cold toward your deathly loyal fanbase. And, oh yeah, watch out for that Kevin Costner, he's one sneaky bitch.

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