Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Papi's Support Group

When one on my friends or colleagues is in a slump, whether it's with work, women, whatever, I send him text messages. I make sure to send him plenty of them. Only, unlike the bleeding heart babies of major league baseball, mine usually include a few, "I bet your boss is just figuring out how to fire you", or "walk into oncoming traffic", or "God doesn't like you because you're secretly gay".

But not David Ortiz's support group. No, they're helping him through these tough times by sending him encouraging text messages, and words of wisdom. Hmm, I wonder, before Ortiz began plugging 12 inch syringes into his fat ass, do you think these guys were around, pulling for him to go from a guy who couldn't hit a righty if he tossed underhand, to one of the most feared sluggers in baseball?

I'm just saying, or speculating, or both. But grow-the-fuck-up, support groups are for drug addicts and 13-year-old fucking girls. Send him a message about his bitch-tits and go have sex with some groupies, hopefully regaining some of your lost manhood in the process.

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